Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Obama focusing on the Hoback Plan

A little over a month ago, I proposed the creation of a slimmer, more streamlined version of Hell which I dubbed New Afghanistan, one that would encompass the area between Kabul and Kandahar. To quote myself, "Aside from a half dozen of the biggest cities, it's got a river, a couple of reasonably nice roads, and a number of the old country's best restaurants."

See, this is why I voted for Obama. I thought, here is a guy who would listen to me. Me, the American people. It's all about me, so I was obviously pleased to read this in the New York Times.

Mr. Obama has yet to make a decision and has other options available to him, but as officials described it, the debate is no longer over whether to send more troops, but how many more will be needed. The question of how much of the country should fall under the direct protection of American and NATO forces will be central to deciding how many troops will be sent. At the moment, the administration is looking at protecting Kabul, Kandahar, Mazar-i-Sharif, Kunduz, Herat, Jalalabad and a few other village clusters, officials said.

Way to go, Mr President - I just knew you would be a good listener. And while pride of ownership initially made me wary of your addition of Kunduz and Mazar-i-Sharif to my suggested borders, I now embrace your enhancements whole-heartedly, because under this revised plan, New Afghanistan now looks like a banana. Given all the money we're spending on this effort, I believe that the very least the Afghani people can do is let us rename their country, and I wish to propose that we dub it the Republic of Bananistan. If this war is a joke, it needs to be a funny one.

"The nation owes a great debt of gratitude to Mr Hoback for his brilliant strategy," said Afghan Commander General Stanley McChrystal. "With the additional troops that I expect the president to provide, we should be able to peel back the threat of the Taliban and keep the proud nation of Bananistan from slipping under their influence."


  1. I don't know...Looks suspiciously like an Islamic Crescent!

  2. Where can I buy one of those?

    Looks handy.

    Thanks, Mark!

    I needed that.


  3. Bananas remind me of erect penises, both of which, in this particular context, I can do without right now.

    I suppose Hillary is given use of Obama's erect penis. Who's erect penis is Lieberman using?

    I've officially grossed myself out.