Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Steele, Boehner, Cantor, Bodatella, and McConnell

Last Sunday, Michael Steele revealed his strange belief that 'white Republicans' (i.e. the only kind) were scared of him, a remark that led to numerous tickled ribs on all sides of the political spectrum. "I’ve been in the room and they’ve been scared of me," Steele told TV One's Roland Martin, "I'm like, I’m on your side." Martin was forced to go to an unscheduled commercial break when he was unable to control his laughter.

Today, Steele attempted to prove how truly frightening he could be, showing up uninvited at the Capitol with his enforcer Luigi Bordatella and a couple of young thugs who rounded up select members of the GOP leadership and forced them outside to attend an impromptu news conference.

"See this jacket, bitches?" Steele shouted at the somewhat nervous lawmakers. "This is Phil Mickelson's jacket from the Masters Tournament. Kicked his ass and took it from him. I didn't appreciate the way he took advantage of Tiger Woods' bum knee. Yeah, Phil Mickelson, he was plenty scared of me. How bout you Boehner, you scared of me?"

"That's a good question, Michael, and it deserves an honest answer. I was a little intimidated by the current situation at first, but I noticed on the way out here that what I thought was a knife in Luigi's hand was really a ballpoint pen. That's pretty lame, and I want you to know there's going to be hell to pay for this incident."

"Did I happen to mention that after I gave Mickelson the beating of his life, I set his golf cart on fire? Yeah, I'm that bad. What about you, Cantor, you scared of me?"

"You know what, Steele? I myself noticed that your young thugs are really young thugs... What are you paying them with, Snickers bars? And if John isn't afraid of you, I'm not either."

"Maybe I'm not getting through to you... I'm a very frightening black man, and you all are a bunch of white Republicans. You know what, after I set Michelson's cart on fire, I broke all his clubs in two with my bare hands, except for the putter which I shoved up his ass. You're scared of me, aren't you McConnell?"

"Are you kidding? I once defied Dick Cheney's expressed wishes on an important vote, so I'm not frightened by your little cry for attention. But I'll tell you one thing, I sure as hell am never going to invite you to play golf with me."

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