Friday, December 25, 2009

Season's Greetings from Sarah Palin's Facebook

THIS IS A LIE! (Up above, I mean.)

Merry Christmas and all, but the important thing is that I never said that I wasn't the biggest liar of the year. Those were not my words!!!! I explicitly said on my last Facebook posting that I did not tell the biggest lie of the year, not that I wasn't the biggest liar of the year. God, are these people too dumb to read my Facebook? That's pathetic. You just go (on your computer) to www dot facebook dot com forward-slash sarahpalin (all one word). That's all there is to it. You don't even have to use capitol letters, I don't think. Hold on... No you don't even have to use capitol letters, although I'll admit the part about using my name all run together is a little tricky until you get the hang of it.

So like I was saying, it is a lie to say that I said that I'm not the biggest liar of the year, when in fact, I never uttered those words, nor did I write them on my Facebook. My lawyer says that these people are not liable because they never said that I said it, even though they sure as shooting made it look like I said it. All I can say is that they're lucky that they didn't put quotation marks around those untrue words or they would be in BIG trouble.

And who are these people, Politics Daily? I never heard of them, and I read pretty much everything. (Let me correct that statement before somebody else calls me a liar - I never heard of them until now. And also until NOW, I never heard of this writer David Corn. What does he call his lying mouth - his cornhole? Oh God, Todd is gonna love that one. Hold on...)

Todd loved my cornhole joke, but really, it's no joke to be called the biggest liar of the year. You know who the biggest liar of the year is? Debbie Greenwald who works at 'Out of the Closet' in Anchorage, that's who. Earlier this year, before I was rich, I went to my former favorite consignment store just to look, and I saw this Armani suit in my color (red) and my size (8) and so I kind of figured that it was meant to be mine so I told Debbie that I wanted to try it on and she said "Sorry Sarah, but someone just paid for that five minutes ago and I'm just holding it until they finish shopping" so I said "I'll give you money for it right now and you can give them their money back" and she said "Sorry Sarah, no can do" and I said "For twenty bucks extra I bet you can do, Debbie" and she said "Sorry Sarah, professional ethics, don't ya know" and I know she doesn't know the first thing about professional ethics because she just works in a consignment store (although it used to be a really nice one), so I just said "Fine" but with the sort of tone in my voice where you could tell that it was not fine at all and she said "Have a nice day, Sarah" and I said "You too, Debbie."

And then the next week, I was with Todd at Victoria's Tavern in Anchorage feasting on their scrumptious lemon-baked scrod with crab meat, and in waltzes Debbie Greenwald and you just know what she was wearing. And it was way too small for her - she'd be better off in a Santa suit than an Armani. Todd is gonna love that one. Hold on...

Todd doesn't get it, and I don't have the time or the patience to explain fashion humor to him. So if you want to talk biggest liar of the year I suggest that you give Debbie Greenwald a call at 907-555-5492. (All my Facebook friends, please don't you give Debbie a call, that number is just for David Cornhole. And if you do ring her up in spite of my asking you not to, please don't call her a lard ass.)

That's all I've got. Merry Christmas and everything.

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