Saturday, December 19, 2009

Senate health care bill includes Boehner provision

"This is how the Senate believes you should tan," explains House Whip Eric Cantor. "Under the Democratic Health Care plan, there will be strict melanin rationing."

Little noticed among provision in the newly unveiled Senate Health Care Plan is one that removes the 'Botox Tax' on cosmetic surgery and replaces it with a 'Boehner Tax' on indoor tanning.

"I take this as a personal insult," said House Minority Leader John Boehner. "It's not like I can't afford an extra ten percent in order to keep my color up, but why did they have to name it after me? Now people are going to think of me and that tax every time they lie down in a tanning bed."

"The Boehner Tax is an absolute disgrace," says Boehner sidekick Eric Cantor. "You should see John when he doesn't have a tan. The man looks as pale as a ghost. And I don't expect the president to speak up; he's got plenty of melanin. Harry Reid is a mean, vindictive man, and you can quote me on that."

"The American Medical Association urged us to remove the Botox Tax," explained Majority Leader Reid. "They claimed that it amounted to discrimination against women because they were more likely to undergo cosmetic surgery. So rather than discriminate against women, we decided we would discriminate against Boehner."


  1. hell... reid could use some of that... you can see right through the man from some angles.

  2. What I find particularly thrilling about the Boehner Tax is subtitle b, which calls for a trebling of the tax if a malignant melanoma results from the tanning process as utilized by Representative Boehner. It just makes it so... personal.

  3. Puddy - he did promise transparency...

    Michael - yeah, me too!