Monday, January 4, 2010


After years of not being gone, Mitt Romney is roaring back with a new book which, at least according to the publisher, is packed to the gills with exciting ideas.

"He keeps all the excitement for his words, which unlike Mitt himself, can be savored by the readers at their own convenience," said Romney's agent Peter Matsen. "Unlike other recent books by certain unviable presidential candidates, this opus is much more than a self-serving collection of suck-ups, paybacks, and self-justifications neatly wrapped up in Aw-shucks-just-plain-folks populist pandering, a simple minded collection of tweet worthy sound bites with plenty of pictures. This is a real book, with real ideas, written by the author himself."

Mr Matsen demurred when pressed for details about the nature of these ideas.

"I would be a rather foolish agent to leak too much of what's inside of the book, wouldn't I," he chuckles. "We want people to read this book, to savor this book, to use it as something other than a doorstop. I believe the cover of the book pretty much speaks for itself. Does Mitt Romney look as though he were in the mood to apologize? Indeed he does not. As a matter of fact, he looks like a man who is spoiling for a fight. A fight, you might speculate, with the man who is his likely 2012 opponent, a man who has repeatedly apologized, a man who has refused to make the case for American greatness, a man who's ass Mitt Romney would certainly savor kicking both literally and figuratively. Is that indeed what is revealed in these three hundred plus pages of self-penned prose? I'm afraid you'll just have to buy the book to find the answer."

"But a word to the wise," adds Matsen, "You won't be getting this book for $4.99 with a subscription to NewsMax, and for that, Mr Romney and myself are offering no apology."

1 comment:

  1. As some commenter's mom (over at TPM) used to say:

    "Show me someone who never apologizes and I'll show you an infant in an adult body."

    But that dazed and confused 2,000 yard stare, that mussed hair from a recent, spontaneous sexual encounter in the tabernacle— that says more about all those years of not being gone than any book penned by anyone.