Friday, January 22, 2010

The Harkin Proposal


Tom Harkin laughs at his own bill

In what will surely go down as the most futile legislative move of the year, Senator Tom Harkin is preparing to introduce a bill that would effectively end the filibuster.

"No, no, no," explains Harkin. "It wouldn't end the filibuster, it would modernize the filibuster."

Whatever. Harkin's Filibuster Modernization Act would stretch out the process of a filibuster from zero days - zero because filibusters don't ever actually ever happen anymore, only threats of filibusters, at which point everyone just goes back to some semblance of business - to, uh, hold on... let's see, a bill comes up and one side says they're gonna filibuster it, so you vote but don't get 60, so you wait two days and try again needing only 57 this time but you don't get 57, so you wait two days and try again needing only 54 this time but you don't get 54, so you wait two days and try again needing only 51 this time and if you don't get 51 you say 'fuck it, what the hell was I thinking about' but if you do get 51 the bill becomes law.

Given the fact that it takes 67 votes to change Senate rules, Harkin's bill has about a snowball's chance in Hell.

4 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. If you can possibly believe it, that clown's the "good" senator from Ioway!

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  3. nice post. thanks.

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  4. "No, no, no," explains Harkin. "It wouldn't end the filibuster, it would modernize the filibuster."

    Maybe he means that while they "filibuster" in the modernized way that there'll be
    a run of 5$ blowjobs,
    50 cent drafts,
    free hot-dogs with Colman's Original English Prepared Mustard, free massages with happy endings galore
    and a drawing to see who gets to take a piss on the constitution...?

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