Friday, February 5, 2010

hostage situation

Alabama Senator Richard Shelby has taken what may be the ultimate obstructionary step of placing a hold on all of President Obama's unconfirmed appointees, which he plans to keep in place until the administration meets his demands on what he likes to call 'national security issues'. National security being defined, in this case, as giving Shelby all the pork he can eat.

According to National Journal (registration required), Shelby is rightly concerned about what might befall America if Northrop Grumman is not given a 40 billion dollar contract to build planes in Alabama, and the money instead is given to Boeing, who would build the planes elsewhere. Oh yeah, Northrop Grumman doesn't particularly like the Air Forces work proposal, so Shelby is demanding that it be changed to Northrop's liking. Among other demands Shelby is making for the release of the hostages is that the FBI build the Terrorist Explosive Device Analytical Center in Alabama, and that people start to call him Dick instead of Richard.

"I've asked nicely, over and over," grumbles Shelby. "I say 'Call me Dick', and they say 'Okay, Richard'. I asked Senator Reid if he could please try and lead by example, and he just laughed in my face. Well, I guess he's not laughing anymore, now that I've frozen out his precious executive nominees."

The White House is blasting Shelby, with Press Secretary Gibbs holding him out as an example of what's wrong with Washington. "If that’s not the poster child for how this town needs to change the way it works," Gibbs said, "I fear there won’t be a greater example of silliness throughout the entire year of 2010." Shelby also received a personal phone call from Rahm Emanuel, who reportedly called him 'fucking retard' instead of Dick.

Not all of the attention on Shelby has been negative, however. Senator john Cornyn has already agreed to call him by his preferred name, tweeting this morning 'DICK HAS BALLS!!! LOL!!!', and several other Republican Senators say that they are watching with interest, noting they may try similar tactics if Shelby's demands are met. 'OR THE EXACT SAME TACTIC! LOL!!!', tweeted Cornyn.


  1. I can't decide if he'd look worse or better if someone photoshopped a pig nose on him...

  2. He thinks the moniker "Dick" is a compliment?

    Great blogging, Mark.

    You rock.