Monday, March 1, 2010

Olympic gold

"Well, we really stank up the joint this year, Mister President. What are you going to say to the Federal Assembly?"

"What am I going to say? What do you mean, what am I going to say? I don't have to say anything to them..."

"Oh really, Mister President? Is that a fact? Russia falls flat on it's face at the Winter Olympics, and you're not going to say anything about it? Sixth place? Three gold medals? Seems like someone has some explaining to do."

"Cut me some slack, Vlad, it's no big deal. It's only a game."

"Only a game, is it? Well, whatever you say. All I know is that in 2006, the people wanted to run me out of Moscow when we came in fourth place and only had eight gold medals. Just saying, Mister President. Remind me, what was our final medal count?"


"Pardon me?"

"Fifteen, okay? Now leave me alone."

"Okay, okay. On another topic, I was talking to American President Obama this morning..."

"Really? What about?"

"I just wanted to congratulate him on the thirty-seven medals that the US took home."

"You're really rubbing it in, Vladimir. I don't know, it was crazy. Our bobsled flipped over, our skaters fell down..."

"And don't forget about the humiliation of our glorious hockey team by Canada. You know Canada, don't you? The country that got twenty-six medals? Oh, and uh, fourteen of those were gold. How many gold did you say we got, again?"

"Look, I'm going to ask everybody in our Olympic program to submit their resignations, okay?"

"You're going to ask them?"

"Hey, it's a difference in management style. I'll ask them, but if they don't have the resolve to do it, I'll give them a hand."

"You had better give them a hand across the chops. Russia is hosting the games in 2014, and we can't face another humiliation like this one."

"We'll turn this around, I assure you."

"Yeah, well good luck with that, Mister President, because running for a third term is starting to look mighty attractive to me about now."


  1. 'Losing' the Cold War really took the starch out of the Rooskies, didn't it?

  2. Gosh, it hurts the commies so bad when they can't even dope their way to golden glory that they have to get leftist Limey hacks escaping tits-up songwriting careers to damn Canada with their faint disdain.

    Whassamatta, 'Ivan' - Kim Philby couldn't man the sports desk between rent boys?