Parliamentarian!

Many headstrong and courageous individuals have strode across the US Senate floor throughout the history of that great institution, voicing their stirring thoughts and casting their mighty votes, setting the steady course that has lead to our nation's glory. But even amongst these titans of bureaucracy, there is still one individual that can fill their hearts with icy dread and fear. That ominous being is known as 'The Parliamentarian, Interpreter of the Rules'. Meet Alan Frumin, a man you've never heard of, and yet a man who has it within his power to shape the ultimate outcome of the dreaded health care reconciliation. “I think most people don’t trust him,” said a senior GOP official who, like most, was far too frightened of Frumin to even consider allowing his name to appear in print. "Mark my words, he's going to allow socialized medicine to be rammed right down the gagging throat of America." Senator McConnell X is right to be apprehensive about Frumin, because this particular Parliamentarian is the very same man who in 2001 was put into this position of almost limitless supremacy by none other than radical leftist Trent Lott; the very same man who allowed President Bush's Republican controlled Senate to use reconciliation to ram two separate tax cuts for the rich down the screaming throat of America. "You said screaming throat," interrupted Senator John McCain. "What Senator McConnell said was... What? He didn't want his name used? Ah, jeez, what a pussy. Anyway, what Senator X said was gagging throat, which is a totally different thing. I for one am of the opinion that when we passed those tax cuts, America was screaming with pleasure. Nobody gags with pleasure... I don't think... Ah, who am I kidding, I've seen some weird ass things in my life. But I haven't seen anything weirder than the fact that when Harry Reid became majority leader he didn't switch out the Parliamentarian. It's the same way I feel about Defense Secretary Gates. If people are staying, there's got to be something going on." “I think clearly the majority leader has his ear, and I’ve got concerns,” said anonymous source Senator Jim DeMint. "You ever see Blue Velvet? I can say no more. And please don't quote me unless you call me an anonymous source."