Monday, March 15, 2010

There will be blood.

Thai protestors, disturbed by Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva's absolute refusal to dissolve Parliament and resign even though they had demonstrated with great vigor for the better part of the day, have decided that, in the spirit of the great American dissident Emeril Lagasse, matters need to be kicked up a notch.

"Even though we increased traffic congestion on Paholyothin Road, Vejjajiva refuses to step down," said Democratic Alliance Against Dictatorship (DAAD) leader Veera Musigapong. "Well, no more Mister Nice Guy for us. There will be blood."

Specifically their own. Musigapong is asking each protestor to donate at least 10CCs (about a teaspoon) of their own blood "to soak the Prime Minister's office". After Vejjajiva informed the DAAD that he would not allow them inside of his office in order to soak it, they changed their strategy to that of soaking the steps in front of his office.

"10cc may not sound like a lot of blood, but if we get 100,000 people to cooperate, it will be a bloodbath," chuckles Musigapong. "Or more accurately, it would be a bloodbath if it were in a tub, for 1,00,000CCs of blood would surely be enough to fill even the tub of a dictator such as Vejjajiva."

"I shower," the Prime Minister replied, shrugging through a spokesman.

"No matter what his cleansing ritual may be, Vejjajiva ignores the fact that we intend to pour our blood on his stairs," said a defiant Musigapong. "We would see whether Abhisit dares to walk on our blood to work at the government house."

"I'm thinking of taking tomorrow off," Vejjajiva mused, "especially considering how many of my people seem to be such fucking ingrates."

Musigapong is prepared for this contingency, and unveiled his ingenious plans for the following two days if Vejjajiva should still refuse to resign. "If the Prime Minister stays on, another one million CC of blood would be poured at the Democrat Party headquarter. If he still resists to step down, another one million CC more would soak his house."

"I guess they can do whatever they want with the Democrat Headquarters," responded Vejjajiva, "although I've got to ask myself, what the hell kind of a lame protest is this anyway? I mean, that's their own party headquarters, just saying. But a word to the wise DAAD, I know that you believe in peaceful albeit messy and unsanitary protests, but I need to inform you that if you come near my palace, I've got some mighty unmerciful dogs guarding the grounds."

As a result, Musigapong has announced that on the third day of the blood oriented protest, the stairs of Vejjajiva's office will once again be soaked, "but this time they will be bloodied by 2,000,000CCs. That should be enough to force the hand of the most cruel of tyrants, even if he does have a back entrance as he now claims."

Musigapong admits that he doesn't have a further plan of action if the second stair-soaking should prove ineffective, although he is loathe to admit defeat.

"Oh no, this fight has only just begun," says Musigapong. "But most workers in Thailand only get three vacation days a week, as Prime Minister Vejjajiva very well knows, and I'm already a day in the hole. But I tell you this, with all my heart and soul. If this dictator is still clinging to power a year from now, I just might show him my spleen."

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