Census Day

Declaring April 1st to be 'Census Day' in a presidential proclamation, Barrack Obama yesterday answered the ten simple questions on the form and dropped it into the White House mailbox. Or did he? "Well, I saw the picture that the White House press corps released," said news commentator Lou Dobbs. "It appears to be the president, and it appears as though he is taking a pen to some piece of paper which may or may not be a census form, but I would say this photograph is far for conclusive. He could be signing a letter of apology to Kim Jong-il for all I know." "He very rikery could be," agreed Kim Jong-il. "How dumb does this man think the American people are?" asked perennial presidential candidate Alan Keys. "How condescending, how arrogant. Everybody knows that April 1st is April Fools Day. Look at your calendar, people. Does it say 'Census Day'? No it does not. Barack Obama no more filled out a census form than I can dance the Funky Mandingo." Within hours of the announcement, Orly Taitz filed a suit in District Court demanding that Obama produce proof that he in fact responded to the census. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs issued a statement saying that this would be impossible, as the mailman had already picked it up, a statement that Congresswoman Michele Bachmann greeted with skepticism. "Oh, now we're supposed to believe that the Anointed One suddenly doesn't have the power to retrieve a piece of mail when it's a matter of national security," she told Sean Hannity on his radio show. "I'm not buying it. Yeah, he made a real big deal of trying to convince everyone else they should fill it out so they would get 'proper representation', but what he represents is antithetical to the wants and needs of the American people." "I couldn't agree more, Michele," replied Hannity. "Plus, he probably thinks if he doesn't provide the information, the next administration won't be able to round him up."