Faisal the Incompetent

"Good morning, Ashad. Why so down in the mouth? You look as though a dog had just devoured your best friend." "Your metaphor is quite apt, Omar, for an entire pack of Capitalist dogs have captured my best friend Faisal and now stand ready to devour him slowly in their laughably corrupt judicial system." "Really? Faisal Shahzad? The nice young man that visited us a few short months ago? Faisal the American?" "He wasn't born an American, Omar. He just immigrated there so he could blow something up." "Or so he said, Ashad. My own belief is that he had a yearning to be in the company of unveiled women." "And you imply that you do not wish for the same thing? But that is irrelevant. The fact is that Faisal intended to return just as soon as he struck a blow at the heart of the infidels. He was already on a plane to Dubai when the Western dogs apprehended him." "Without blowing up anything." "That is technically true, although it is my belief that he struck a mighty blow of fear in the heart of the decadent American people." "A belief which is sadly misplaced, Ashad. I have heard the reports from the American casters of news and far from expressing their fear and trepidation, they are heaping scorn and ridicule on your friend." "This cannot be true!" "But true it is, Ashad. They are calling him inept and amateurish. They say Faisal could not bomb his way out of a paper bag." "That is not only mean, it is surely inaccurate. Faisal's bomb had everything! Gasoline, fireworks, propane tanks, clocks, two big bags of fertilizer..." "Apparently everything but the boom. They call him Faisal the Incompetent and are comparing him to Rube Goldberg. I do not know who that is but I would assume that he was also a failed manufacturer of explosive devices, And judging by the name, a Jew as well." "They compared Faisal to a Jew, Omar? These damnable infidels are even worse than I imagined. Oh how I wish he had succeeded in his righteous mission." "If wishes were camels, we'd all ride in haste. They even made fun of his name, saying that Faisal Shahzad sounded like an entrée at a Greek restaurant." "Now as well as stirring my anger, you have stirred my appetite too. Have you ever eaten at a Greek restaurant, Omar?" "I have not, Ashad, but unlike Faisal, I once blew one up."