Wednesday, May 5, 2010

miracle at sea

British Petroleum has shifted into celebration mode after engineers today successfully capped one of the three leaks that have been spewing thousands of gallons of black gold into the Gulf of Mexico. In a miracle of technology, submersible robots (which don't look anything like what your imagining) managed to attach a specially designed valve over the fault.

"Marvelous, just marvelous," said BP spokesman John Curry. "I believe that we've earned a 'jolly good' and a nice pat on the back." Curry admits that the capping does nothing to diminish the flow of over 200,000 gallons of oil that is flooding the Gulf each day, but his enthusiasm is undiminished.

"First, and this is a relatively minor matter, I'd like to quibble with you over your choice of words. You see, one does not flood the ocean. That's a bit of a non-sequitur, don't you think? One may add something to the ocean, or one may mix something into it, but flooding, never. But all that aside, this does enable to us to make progress, to winnow down the focus from three leaks to two. And it only took us fifteen days. I'd call that something to crow about."

Champagne corks popped and backs were indeed patted in the ritzy executive offices of British Petroleum in London as news of the miraculous fix came gushing in.

"Gushing in is a rather poor choice of words, don't you think," quipped BP CEO Tony Hayward. "Still, I'll take your congratulations in the spirit it was offered. Here, have a cigar."

Hayward went on to announce an immediate special bonus for all top executives "for the foresight and wisdom they've shown in hiring such splendid engineers." He even intimated that the engineers themselves "might find a little something extra in their pay envelopes, that is, if they can turn this into a triple play."

Although the cost has been enormous, and is continuing to mount, Hayward denies being overly concerned. "There's no use in crying over spilt milk, if you'll allow me my small joke. It's not as though we don't have other wells and other oil to sell you. And as a gesture of good will, we're going to let you keep this for absolutely no charge.".

1 comment:

  1. BP's gone....bonkers! One feels completely snackered for being forced to endure such a horrid little incident.