Friday, July 23, 2010

the Bachmann agenda

Michele Bachmann, Queen of the House TEA Party caucus, has taken a swipe at Minority Leader John Boehner's "pathetic little agenda" which she likened to a schooner of warm piss.

"It's sad to see such a total lack of boldness and real ideas in a man who imagines himself in the role of Speaker of the House. He wants to roll back health care, but he knows that can't happen before 2012. What we can do is completely defund it so it just sits there piteously as a monument to Obama's broken promises. Keep taxes low? I don't think so. Get rid of taxes all together, that's what a real constitutional conservative would say. Where in the Constitution does it say the government has a right to tax your income? Don't give me that 16th amendment crap, that wasn't put in till 1913, it's not what the framers wanted. They were all deceased. Repeal it. Am I being bold? You bet I am. Let's see, what else was on our leader's agenda. Block cap-and-trade? It's dead, bonehead, so you've got nothing to do but tan. When I get to be Speaker, you're going to see some real action."

Aside from repealing the 16th amendment, there are a number of others on her chopping block: the 14th ("It's been thoroughly exploited by illegal immigrants"), the 18th ("God, prohibition was repealed by the 21st, what's it still doing in there? Leave it to a woman to have to do all the housekeeping"), the 19th ("The framers didn't care if I could vote or not. That's a State rights issue."), the 22nd ("If it wasn't for that one, Bush would still be President and we would have avoided all this Obama mess."), and the 25th ("I just don't like it.")

High on Bachmann's to-do list is returning the economy back to the corporations where it rightfully belongs. "Before Obama, the private economy was 100 percent held in private hands, while today 65 percent of the economy is now held in government's hands. That's an increase of 65 percent. No, wait a second, I've got my numerator mixed up with my denominator. Zero percent was held by the government and now it's 65, so that's like an increase of 6500 percent."

Her main agenda item for the next two years, however, is to get payback by endlessly subpoenaing the Obama administration.

"Oh, I think that's all we should do," Bachmann explains. "I think that all we should do is issue subpoenas and have one hearing after another. And expose all the nonsense that is gone on. People want to hear the sound of gears locking, so it's very important that when we come back after the election that we have constitutional conservative leadership because the American people's patience is about as big as this hand grenade, and they're about to pull the pin. So we have to make sure that we do what the people want us to do or they'll kill us."


  1. Well she's right about one thing.

  2. She got her legal degree form Oral Roberts (Christian) University. Its not what she knows it what she can't prove.

  3. She and Sarah would be better off as Sunday-school teachers.

  4. Crikey, I would just love her recipe for her limejello/pineapple/cottage cheese surprise salad! Though, I'd be very wary of the maraschino cherries.