Thursday, July 22, 2010

the inanity of dope

You can read the enthusiasm on his besotted face, can't you? He senses that his long dreamed plan of becoming Speaker of the House may be on the verge of coming true, and so after twenty years in Congress, it's time to part the curtain a little so we can catch a glimpse of the butterfly John Boehner will soon become.

Because he will be Speaker, won't he? Surely no young gun would attempt to challenge him on his own turf. After all, Boehner wants you to know via his gift for sheer redundancy that he is a genuine legislator in a castle of pretenders.

"There’s very little deliberation, there’s very little, very few legislators among the 435 members. And I really think that members are being short-changed. I came out of the Ohio Legislature, a place where it was a legislature and you were taught and you learned how to become a legislator. And I think that we need legislators in the U.S. Capitol."

I just got a tingle up my leg. Much as John Henry was a steel driving man, John Boehner is a legislating man, and that's something that always gets people excited. By the way, Weepy, nice shout out to your colleagues, a majority of whom would have to, you know, vote for you. But maybe you could pick up some of that TEA party energy, notwithstanding the fact that some of them are "anarchists who want to kill all of us in public office." No, maybe not, although that does bring up an interesting point. If you really think that some of these people are murder bent radicals, just what the heck were you doing try ing to rile them up during the health care end game? Just a case of dangerously bad judgment?

Well, let's cut to the chase and ask what the first three things a Speaker Boehner would do. Number one, of course, is really an undo - repeal health care. Now seeing as how you're such a unadulterated legislator, it's possible that it could have occurred to you that even under the most hopeful GOP outcome, there is no way that both the House and Senate are going to have the two-thirds majority needed to overcome a presidential veto, so either the Ohio Legislature didn't contribute to your knowledge of math, or you're promising an exercise in futility. Or, perhaps, you're promising to do nothing for at least two years. Number two is blocking any attempt to pass cap-and-trade, which in this case isn't even an undo, it's preventing something from being done. And truth be told, even if you don't get to be Speaker, unless the GOP actually loses seats, it's going to be something you do irregardless, so moot point. Number three I really like - keep taxes low. So I guess this is a tacit admission that taxes are already low, a position that probably is a bit out of step with the talking points of your party.

Not exactly lofty goals, but as you explained in your always stirring rhetoric, "You can't succeed, no professional football team succeeds at throwing Hail Mary passes on every play."


  1. Why does Boehner always give me the hiccups? (Or, if you prefer, 'hiccoughs'?)

  2. I've been pretty much offline for the past month. I'm looking forward to reading your last month's archives!