Monday, August 9, 2010

Perry's Waterloo

To the shock and dismay of his conservative supporters, Texas Governor Rick Perry was on hand to greet President Obama when he flew into Austin today for a fundraiser. TEA party activists, many of whom had wanted to see Perry run for president in 2012, were particularly aggrieved by reports that the governor had applauded as Obama emerged from the plane, and further distressed when photographic evidence emerged proving that the two had shaken hands.

"It's pretty much of a shocker," said TEA party activist Fred Tucker. "I figured there wouldn't be any ass kicking, what with all the Secret Service around, but all this nicety-nice just makes me want to puke. I guess old Ricky can talk the talk, but he sure can't walk the walk. Came to our big rally a few months ago and said Obama was trying to turn us into a socialist country and Texas might have to secede. Well speak up, boy, what the hell you doing shaking hands with a socialist?"

"We gotta get us a new governor!" cried alarmed airport worker Billy Barker. "Is it too late? Tell me it's not too late. That lyin sonofabitch had us all bamboozled. I was there and saw the whole thing, made me drop my Dr Pepper on the tarmac. Looked like they were bosom buddies. You see there in that picture? Looks to me like Rick Perry is bowin down to that Kenyan imposter. Yeah, it sure does. Goddamn, I need me a drink. This country is goin to hell in a hand basket."

"I heard he gave Obama a letter," added Betty Ann Barton. "What sort of man writes a letter? I think the people of Texas have a right to see what's in that thing. Huh. That ain't never going to happen... I bet it was a love letter."

For Perry's Democratic gubernatorial challenger Bill White, who went out of his way to avoid being seen with Obama, the airport greeting comes as a godsend. Sources confirmed that he is rushing a new ad into production that will prominently feature what is now being referred to around Texas as 'the handshake'.

"It worked pretty well in Florida against Charlie Crist," said White. "Your opponent steps on a cow pie, you don't miss out on the opportunity to point at his boots."


  1. Perry can always say in his defense that he only shook Obama's right hand, not his left.

  2. 'What sort of man writes a letter?'

    To another man, yet. Further evidence of Perry's homosocialist tendencies, along with his fondness for salon-style hair care products.


  3. Never trust a man with a "kiss me quick haircut."