Thursday, September 30, 2010


 He's here! He's here! The new dictator is here at last!

It was a wildly exciting day in Pyongyang as the very first photo of Kim Jong-un was released, a photograph which confirmed the rumor that the future Supreme Ruler of North Korea was cute as a button.
Kim Jong-un is only 28 years old, which will make him the youngest brutal dictator in North Korean history. Educated at the International School of Berne in Switzerland, his rise to power has been meteoric, primarily due to the fact that his father's health is in decline and Jong-un is the only one of his kids he liked. He is a member of the Central Committee of The Party, a job at which he was obviously so successful that earlier this year he was named as deputy chairman of The Party's military Commission. His lack of military experience has not proven an impediment, and last month he was given the rank of four-star general in the People's Army due to his ability to look absolutely adorable in a uniform.

"For sixteen years, North Korea has been under the thumb of a cruel dictator with a face eerily reminiscent of a hatchet," said admiring dung worker Song Yon-hee. "It will be a pleasure to be under the thumb of a babyface like Kim Jong-un."


  1. True story, Mark: when I was in the 6th grade, I participated in a talent show where I sang 'Baby Face' to great applause. Unfortunately, my singing career went downhill from there.

  2. Junior--

    Soon, you conduct your own Long March, young Jong-un, as your Papasan did, and our old friend Ze-Dong...and then return to the Peoples' palace where the best wine, cocaine, and nordic concubines eagerly await you!

  3. first photo... educated in Berne... nobody thought to take a picture of him while he was in Switzerland? What does the CIA do with all that time on their hands?

  4. i hear he likes basketball - maybe we can get him some knick tickets

  5. He looks like he could be particularly bitter toward Olympic athletes. That's a real plus.