Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Steele stands by his bus

(From the Bus Blog) Pictured left to right: Bus driver Dan, Bus blogger Bob, Bus tour manager Madge, Chairman of the Bus Steele, Bus videographer Vicki, Bus photographer Phil, and Bus chef Chaz. 
Shaking off criticism like a wet dog, RNC Chairman Michael Steele is firing back at Republican critics who have called his 117-city Fire Pelosi Bus Tour a 'colossal waste of time' and 'his most retarded idea yet'.

"Taking a cross-country trip in a big red bus is not my most retarded idea, not by a long shot," said Steele from the hot tub in the back of the bus. "That would have been my idea for urban-suburban hip-hop Republicans. I'll admit it, that was pretty wack. But the bus thing, that's a good idea. I guess some of my critics don't remember the Clinton/Gore Bus Tour back in '92... That bus tour propelled them to victory. Cause people love a good bus tour, know what I'm saying?"

While the Clinton/Gore Bus Tour truly was one of the watershed moments in American politics, many doubt that Steele's attempt to replicate it's groundbreaking nature will be successful. For one thing, unlike 'Clinton/Gore Bus Tour', 'Fire Pelosi Bus Tour' doesn't rhyme.

"Right. Fine. It doesn't rhyme," concedes Steele. "I suppose I didn't realize that would be a bone of contention with the Party elite. But I tell you what, that bus is a huge motherfucker, it's red, and we got it all tricked out. It's a 2010 Prevost H3-45, know what I'm saying? People turn out to see a bus like that."

Another problem with the tour is that none of the 'potential guests' have been showing up, a development that has left Steele to bear the mantle of 'most famous person on the bus'.

"Is there a reason I can't catch a break here?" Steele asks with understandable exasperation. "What part of 'potential guests' do you not understand? When I write that Sarah Palin or Newt Gingrich or Marco Rubio or Tim Pawlenty or Lady Gaga or Rick Perry or Glenn Beck or Nikki Haley might show up, that's just what I mean. It could happen. Probably happen when you're least expecting it, Bus driver Dan will open that big front door and Jeb Bush will come strutting right out. But let me ask you, so what if it's just me? If someone told you that one of the Beatles was down at the mall, are you going to be disappointed if you show up and find that it's just Ringo? Of course not."

"That's exactly what we're talking about," said one RNC committee member, who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "This is all about Steele getting his name and face out there. It's the Michael Steele Show, and it's a huge waste of money. My God, have you ever been inside a Prevost H3-45? It's like a five star hotel in there. And hiring Chef Chaz, I don't even want to think what that cost. It just makes me sick."

"Hey, even Ringo is entitled to a decent meal," replied Steele defensively. "The fact is, we're saving a lot of contributors' money for the Republican Party by ordering a la carte. And sometimes I might be so exhausted that I don't want anything but a cheeseburger. It could happen. And if it does, there's no reason on earth why I shouldn't get the best cheeseburger that money can buy. One more thing; while it's true that the bus has a full bar, that rumor about a wine cellar is pure fiction."


  1. First off, I didn't even know there were 117 cities in the United States. I guess I need to get out more.

    Second off, I thought Republicans were opposed to busing blacks. I guess I need to reset my clock, because I'm obviously still living in the 1970s.

  2. Poor Fearguth... although that would explain your frustration in finding a decent pair of polyester bell bottoms.

  3. What follows is a true story. Back in the 1970s, my wife--who can do most anything--made me a pair of bell-bottom pants. At the time, I was employed by Southwestern Bell. So I called them my 'Southwestern Bell-Bottoms'. Clever, eh?

  4. don't make a fuss/jus get on the bus--

    Serio, Steele sounds about as misogynistic as most of the yokels who get off on Pelosi-bashing (italian-irish, catholic, democratic and female--sort of La Diabla itself for a southern hick). Speaker Pelosi's not perfect but compared to the Gingrich-bots she seems like Eleanor Roosevelt or somethin'.

  5. Who says the Republicans aren't green? They keep recycling John McCain's Straight Talk Express!

  6. michael steele must love knowing he has permanent job security no matter what he says or does