Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Aqua Buddha denied

Aqua Buddha appeared today in the small town of Uruvela, Kentucky, where he sat under the shade of a Bodhi tree adjacent to the volunteer fire station, vowing not to move until Rand Paul reached a state of full enlightenment and admitted that he remembered him. His stay lasted less than an hour before a sheriff's deputy showed up and brusquely informed him of the town's ordinance against loitering.
"I get the message, dude, put away the nightstick," Aqua Buddha said after a brief protestation. "A wise man, recognizing that the world is but an illusion, does not act as if it is real, so he escapes the suffering. I'm going across the street for some chow."
Joanne Hardy, waitress at the Whistle-stop Cafe, calls Aqua Buddha the most fascinating visitor the diner has had in quite some time.
"He was quite the chatterbox," says Hardy. "I'm not busy at all most weekday afternoons, so I kind of enjoyed the company, and he did run up a pretty good tab for this little place. Every time I served him something, he'd pick it up, say "nothing is permanent," and wolf it right down. Funny fella, he really was. I brought him a cheeseburger and he said "It is difficult for me to comprehend why this is called a hamburger when it is not formed from the flesh of swine." I looked him in the eye and told him, "Aqua," - that's what he told me his name was - I said, "Aqua, that's not a hamburger, that's a cheeseburger, best one in Uruvela". But I know what he meant, and like I said, it was kind of clever."

"He went on and on, he did, talking about everything. Religion, the meaning of life, Jimi Hendrix, you name it. But the main thing he wanted to talk about was Rand Paul. Seems like  Aqua used to party with him back when they were in school together, least that's what he said. Aqua told me that the last time he saw Rand Paul was a dinner with some friends at the Olive Garden where he told them he was probably going to run for Senate, and Aqua said he told Rand, "Dude, you run for Senate, you're gonna blow me off like three times, and an insincere and evil friend is more bogus than a wild beast. You wanna be a beast, man?" And he said that's just what happen, Rand Paul just totally denied ever knowing him."

"That's the story he gave me, anyway. I was kind of suspicious, seeing as how I know my Bible, so I told him "Aqua, that story about you and Rand Paul sounds an awful lot like the story of Jesus and Paul." Well, he just giggled and told me that he got those two confused all the time. I turned away for a second so he wouldn't see I was trying not to laugh, and when I turned back around he had just disappeared. But not before he left me a fifty percent tip."

"So when I got off work last night, just out of curiosity I went on home and checked out his story on the internet. And there it was, plain as day, Rand Paul saying he doesn't have any memory of Aqua Buddha. I'd think he'd be a hard kind of guy to forget, myself. Maybe Rand Paul is a little embarrassed because Aqua acts a little spacey and dresses kind of funny. And then there is that big hole on the top of his head, but he seemed like a nice enough guy to me."


  1. He went on and on, he did, talking about everything. Religion, the meaning of life, Jimi Hendrix, you name it. But the main thing he wanted to talk about was Rand Paul.

    Guru Aqua seems to overlooked another key bit of dharmic info--the source of Rand's name, which is ......
    the divine Miss Ayn Rand
    herself (possible BC material? Or her corpse at least).