The Breakfast Club, Pat 8: The Leadership

Parts 1 through 7

R-Men assemble... R-Men assemble... Where are those guys? R-men assemble... Damn it, Rob, don't tell me you're the only one besides me with the power of telepathy.

What was that, Rahm? What? Did you say that you wish that the army was simple?

No! I'm sending out a telepathic message to the R-Men telling them that we need to converge for a strategy meeting. Time is of the essence.

I gotta go, man, I'm getting a lot of feedback on my end. Why don't you try the alternative communication device? See ya later.

Hello, Debbie, this is Rahm... Hey, you're not telepathic, are you?... No reason... Listen, I was wondering if you'd mind setting up a video conference for me... Yes, I know you're not my secretary, but... Of course I've got an assistant, but she's new and I don't know how much I can trust her yet, so... Okay, okay, two tickets to the Eagles-Bears game... Club seats? You've got to be kidding... Okay, Debbie, you win... Let me know just as soon as you've got it scheduled... Thanks.

Todd, was there somebody in here with you?

No, it's just me, doing the ironing. I didn't even have the TV on because I didn't want to disturb you.

That's weird, because I distinctly heard two people talking, and like one was asking about Armin or somebody and when the other would speak it sounded like there was some sort of devil music in the background and the first one was saying that time was of the essence and the one with the devil music was talking about alternative communication devices and... you didn't hear anything like that?

No, Sarah, it was probably just the wind.

Duh, like the wind is going to ask for Armin to assemble... You need to use extra starch on that blouse, Todd.

Vatican City, 10:30 PM

Welcome, Gentlemen. The boss has been anxious to meet you. I trust that your flight was comfortable?

Very much so... You know, when Krauthammer said we were going to meet the Pope, I thought that he was speaking figuratively.

I'm not sure that Krauthammer is capable of speaking figuratively. Hmm, this is much nicer than the Robertson place, don't you think?

The conference room is right through the jewel encrusted door up ahead, gentlemen.

Your Excellency, the last of the guests have arrived.

Mister Blankfein and Mister Murdoch, how good of you to come. I understand that you already know Pandit, Tillerson, Rove, Svanberg, Limbaugh and the Koch Brothers, but I'm quite sure that what you're most interested in is meeting Leadership.

I believe I recognize almost everyone in the room, your Excellency.

Please, just call me Pope Benedict. Now let me just go through the rest of the Council of Eleven in alphabetical order.

First up is the master of geostrategy, close personl adviser to American Presidents from Carter to George Bush Senior, and along with David Rockefeller, he was the co-founder of the highly important Trilateral Commission. Please say hello to Zbigniew Brzezinski.

Speaking of President Bush Senior, here's Mister New World Order himself. George has been a tireless soldier in the fight for free market globalization, and we're all most grateful to him.

Next I'd like you to meet the man who is the leader of more people on the globe than anyone in history, Hu Jintao of the People's Republic of China. Talk about your emerging markets - boy, howdy!

Krauthammer is member eleven of leadership, a largely ceremonial role. He serves as the tie-breaker, although we've never had a tie. He is our liaison to you, however, and joins us by videoconference whenever needed.

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is our newest member. Needless to say that his leadership on the Citizens United vs the Federal Election Commission was invaluable in furthering our goals.

I'm betting that you might be surprised to see your old boss here tonight, Mister Blankfein, but you really shouldn't be. U.S. Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson was the face of the 2008 financial crisis.

Undoubtedly true, Pope Benedict, but I think we all understand that you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.

Kindly give it up for the man who brought state capitalism to Russia and once again made it a force to be reckoned with, the very virile Prime Minister Vladimir Putin.

I'm pleased to now introduce you to the man who presides over the second fastest growing economy in the world in a land where the poor stay poor and the rich keep getting richer, India's Manmohan Singh.

A true monopolist who owns ninety percent of all telecommunications in Mexico, Carlos Slim is also VP of the Mexican Stock Exchange, president of the Mexican Association of Brokerage Houses, and not coincidentally, the richest man in the world!

Mi ambición actual es la de recuperar los territorios mexicanos de California y Texas.

And last but not least, what would Leadership be without a little royalty? Say hello to the real entrepreneur of the Saudi Royal Family, Prince Waleed bin Talal.

I must say that I'm more than impressed. It's quite an honor to be here among such a distinguished group of heavy hitters.

I'm sure that it is, Mister Pandit. Now if you all would, kindly brief us all on the progress of the Breakfast Club project that you're working.

And then, please follow up with your understanding of the nature of our work.

Oh, my... I'm sure Krauthammer is keeping you informed about our day to day operations, but in general we feel certain that we have the election sewed up as much as possible...

Please be a little more specific. It's a big world and you are not the only thing on our plate.

Mister Murdoch is referring to the American congressional elections.  You see there are 100 senators with six year terms, a third of which run every two years, and 435 congressmen with two...

Please be a little less specific. We all have a pretty clear understanding of the American political system.

Okay. We think we have the U.S. midterm elections in the bag.

Wait. What ever happened to those 435 congressmen?

two hours later...

Well, I'm quite sure that our American visitors must be exhausted by now. Lets convene until tomorrow morning at 11:00, and we'll have Krauthammer brief you via videoconference on our mission.

They'll be serving breakfast tomorrow in the Vatican mess hall until 10:30. Does anybody like pancakes and those little Jimmy Dean sausages.

I do! I do!

Just kidding, Mister Limbaugh, I heard about your American preacher. But I'm sure you'll find our fare quite satisfactory. We're serving Eggs Benedict.

...to be continued...