| In an incident destined to quickly become a metaphor, President Obama's lip was attacked today by the left elbow of his personal aide Reggie Love. The assault was precipitated by a dispute over the ownership of a basketball. Love was immediately wrestled to the floor by Secret Service agents, who took the basketball outside and destroyed it in a controlled deflation. The ball's carcass was sent to Bethesda for further examination, and Love was released after extensive questioning. |
Thanks to the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, the President was able to see a doctor in less than four hours, even though he didn't have an appointment. He received twelve stitches, and according to attending physician Doctor Vinny Boom-Batz, "he was very brave about the whole thing", refusing the offer of having the procedure performed under anesthesia.
"I feel terrible about the whole thing," Love remorsefully said afterward. "But the thing is, the President wants you to bring your A game. So I had the ball and he wanted it, but I didn't want to give it to him. Well, he leaped up in the air and knocked it away from me, so I was mad. I said some things I probably shouldn't have said, like 'I'm gonna get that ball back, sucker'. Next thing I knew he was dribbling up the court. He jumped up to make a shot, I jumped up to block it, and... the rest is history. Or at least metaphor."
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