Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Blue Christmas

Tis the season to be jolly, unless you're Senator Jon Kyl. Because there's a frightening chance that there will be no visions of sugarplums dancing in his head this year, no sound of reindeer hoofs clickety-clicking on his roof.
Jon Kyl loves Christmas, absolutely adores it, but Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is doing his darnedest to ruin his yuletide spirit by holding out the awful prospect that he might force the Senate to work through the holidays.
"It is impossible to do all of the things that the majority leader laid out," Kyl moaned, his bottom lip quivering, "without doing - frankly, without disrespecting the institution and without disrespecting one of the two holiest of holidays for Christians and the families of all of the Senate, not just the senators themselves but all of the staff."
But Harry Reid doesn't care about Jon Kyl's longing to once again gaze with awe at his hometown's live nativity scene, and Harry Reid isn't concerned about the disturbing possibility that Jon Kyl's stocking may not be hung by the chimney with care. Because Harry Reid is a miserable son of a bitch.
"He is, he is," Kyl agrees. "I remember last year, he made us stay in school... I mean in the Senate, he made us stay in session until almost Christmas Eve, and then I had to get all the way home to Arizona and I was so tired, but... but at least I did get home, and enjoyed a little of the holidays. But this year he says he may make us work the week after Christmas, too. What am I supposed to do? Vote on his stupid legislation? What?"
"I think Harry Reid is a pagan, I really do. That's the only rationale I can think of. I mean, he came out on the Senate floor yesterday and said 'Christmas is a week from Saturday', and I'm saying 'Oh boy! Oh Boy!', but then he tells us we're going to have to work. He said it was because we had stalled and stalled and stalled. You know what he was saying, don't you? He was saying that we had been naughty. Who does he think he is? Harry Reid is the Anti-Clause."
"I guess if worst comes to worst, I'll try to make the best of it," Kyl says bravely. "I hear there are a couple decent eggnog bars in Georgetown, and uh... a few of the guys were talking about doing a little caroling on Capitol Hill... Last night I went down to see the National Christmas Tree, and... It... It looked like some kind of weird tricked-out rocket ship. God, I want to go home for the holidays."

1 comment:

  1. Were mormonics mostly the Harry Reid sort, we might respect 'em to some degree. Unfortunately they're mostly Mitt Romneys. Or Donny Osmonds (wow think Mitt's campaign musick...). Hardly superior to 'Zona baptists such as Kyl (tho' he's a piece of mierda). Some of the DINOs who approve of Mormonics don't quite understand that Nephite-o-cracy means an end to booze, casinos, and the US Constitution.