Thursday, December 16, 2010

Elmo's demise

Elmo, the beloved furry red creature who loved to be tickled, is dead at the age of 38. The mainstay of children's television, originally known only as 'baby monster', was apparently a victim of Muppetcide.
"Although he was nearly forty, he pretty much had the mind of a precocious young child," said Kevin Clash, Elmo's long-time manager. "That's part of what makes this so tragic. He didn't know how to avoid dangerous situations, and... I unwittingly sent him to his death."
Clash does indeed bear at least partial responsibility for Elmo's tragic demise. He had been asked by First Lady Michelle Obama to lend a hand in her promotion of the Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act, and had suggested filming a meeting between Elmo and White House chef Sam Kass. Unfortunately, Kass was not told about the meeting in advance, and the rest, much like Elmo himself, is history.
"I never should have gone for the element of surprise," Clash says sadly. "And I should have taken into account how very busy and stressed out the kitchen staff is during the holidays. I haven't been able to make myself watch the entire film, just up to the part where the chef lurches... Apparently, the little guy never knew what hit him. There were no signs of a struggle, and... this is a heartrending day for us all."
Metro police indicate that no charges will be brought against Kass. Washington D.C. currently has no ordinances against strangling a Muppet.

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