Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas in Korea

After a grueling six days of pretending to be a semi-civilized nation, North Korea has been pushed to the limits of it's admittedly limited patience by South Korea's totally insufferable military drills.
"The racket is incessant, bang bang bang, day and night," said North Korean armed forces minister Kim Yong-chun. "And that incessant singing of music you can't even march to... What is that cacophony? We have asked the traitors to the south to please keep the commotion down so our people can get some sleep. Without sleep, they cannot be productive workers, but does the South care? No, they do not. They scoff at us. Go ahead and ask them."
"Scoff at them?" replied South Korea's President Lee. "I suppose if calling a country a cesspool of barbaric assholes is scoffing, then we plead guilty. Personally, I would say we insult them, but you know, some people are too dumb to know when they're being insulted. Hey, if the shoe fits, wear it. Oh. I forgot. Most of the people in the North have no shoes."
"Please relay to illegitimate President Lee the fact that while our massive military may have no shoes, they do have boots," replied Yong-chun. "We shall use those boots to march over their ineffectual soldiers. To counter the enemy's intentional drive to push the situation to the brink of war, our revolutionary forces are making preparations to begin a holy war at any moment necessary based on nuclear deterrent."
"Bwahahahaha," responded President Lee. "Hee hee hee hee hee... It is to laugh. Tell that moron Kim Yong-chun that not only do the people of the North have no shoes, not only do they have no food to eat, they have no religion, so how the hell does he think they're going to have a holy war? Oh, and tell him to look right across the border at Aegibong Peak."
"Oh, that is so obnoxious," said a stunned Yong-chan, laying down his binoculars. "And for the South, so incredibly bold that it gives me pause. A hundred foot Christmas tree with a plus sign on top, surrounded by festive holiday carolers so richly adorned that our citizens would surely revolt from pure envy if they were allowed to see it. That is beyond provocative...You win this round, President Lee, my morale is temporarily sapped."

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