Of course you know that Christine O'Donnell isn't guilty of misappropriating campaign funds, since she is you, after all, and I'll bet you have a darn good alibi.
But whence the charges? There's no remotely logical grounds for the accusations, so it's got to be a conspiracy. It's a witch hunt, and the hunters are members of the all-powerful Delaware Republican Party, who don't want a Tea partier crashing their exclusive club... No wait! It's the members of the all-powerful Delaware Democratic Party, who know they could never defeat Christine a second time.
"You don’t need a tipster to show that this was politically motivated. We were informed..."
"Wait, wait," I said, interrupting Christine, solely for the purpose of point clarification. "You said that you don't need a tipster, but then you say you were informed. Which is it?"
"I was told by someone I know with a lot of inside connections," Christine explained. "It was a friend, not a tipster. They said that the Delaware political establishment was going to use every resource available to them, including launching phony investigations, tying me up with lawsuits to make sure I can’t move forward politically. I even expect more things to come. That’s their tactic."
I had a strong urge to ask Christine if she knew the difference between tactics and strategies, but believing the line of questioning to be futile, I kept my silence. But who unleashed these monsters and empowered them to launch their cretinous crafty Christine crushing crusade?
"Given that the King of the Delaware Political Establishment..." Christine began to explain, before I once again rudely interrupted to ask who this King of the Delaware Political Establishment was. Because I had no idea. I wasn't even aware that Delaware was still a monarchy.
Christine was visibly perturbed. "Gawd! I was trying to tell you. It just so happens to be the Vice President of the most liberal Presidential administration in U.S. history, it is no surprise that misuse and abuse of the FBI would not be off the table."
No it would not. Just think about it... Of course. It all makes sense. It's the man she almost defeated by a margin of 35% to 65% back in 2008 in her last failed senate campaign - the nefarious Joe Biden. The King of the Delaware Political Establishment, they call him. He's the only man who could possibly be able stop her ascendancy to the presidency in 2016.
"Bingo!" confirmed Christine, nodding her head enthusiastically. "I figure people are getting dumber every day. I only got 4% of the vote in 2006, but in 2008 I was up to 35%, and this year 40%. I figure by 2016, the sky's the limit, as long as the King is exposed."
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