Friday, February 11, 2011

at the seashore

Hosni: Ah, the smell of the ocean, the warmth of the sun. Your suggestion of a restful retreat was a wise one, Suzanne. There is no place in the world that can compare to Sharm el-Sheikh.
Suzanne: I suppose, but just once I'd like to go somewhere else for vacation. You promised you would take me to Hawaii.
Hosni: I said I would take you to Hawaii when I retired. Right now I've got a country to rule.
Suzanne: Whatever...
Hosni: Just wait until Ashton Kutcher appears before the rabble and tells them they've been punked.
Suzanne: You hired Ashton Kutcher?
Hosni: Yes, he works for remarkably cheap these days. You know Suzanne, I think I will treat you to a little taste of Hawaii. Waiter! Kindly fetch the first lady and me a couple of pina coladas and a plate of fresh pineapple.
Waiter: I'm sorry, we quartered our last pineapple yesterday before you got here. It has been most difficult getting supplies in the past couple weeks.
Hosni: My bad. Do you have anything at all that's Hawaiian?
Waiter: I... don't know. Can you give me an example of things that are Hawaiian?
Hosni: Suzanne, give the man an example of some things Hawaiian.
Suzanne: Pineapples.
Waiter: I'll be right back with your order.
Hosni: Get a load of that, Suzanne. I ask him for pineapple and he tells me there is no pineapple, but you ask him and he's scurrying off. That is a despicable way to treat your leader. I have half a mine to have him tortured. Guards!
Soldier: What is it, Mister Mubarak?
Hosni: First off, it is President Mubarak not Mister Mubarak. Secondly, kindly beat a little respect into that arrogant waiter.
Soldier: I'm sorry, Mister Mubarak, but that is not a part of my job description. I'm just here to make certain you're not assassinated. For anything else, you're on your own.
Hosni: I cannot believe this sort of blatant insubordination.
Soldier: Yeah, but what you going to do about it, call a guard?
Hosni: Guards!

Soldier: Afraid it's just me. Whoa, look at the time. It's past the end of my shift. Good luck old man...
Hosni: Who are you calling old man? I ought to... Hey! Come back here! I'm talking to you... What if there's an assassin lurking? Oh man...
Waiter: I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid your American Express card was declined. 
Hosni: What? I have seventy billion dollars in my account. Now bring me my pina colada.
Waiter: Uh, there was something about the Swiss freezing your assets... Would you like to pay cash for that?
Hosni: The beloved leader of Egypt doesn't go walking around carrying cash.
Waiter: Yeah, well the beloved leader of Egypt doesn't have a pina colada either, does he?
Hosni: Suzanne, pay the man.
Suzanne: All I have is some gold 100 piastres coins. Can you take those?
Waiter: Indeed I can. That looks like the peoples gold, and I shall liberate it in the peoples name. However, as a gesture of mercy, I shall bring you both a complimentary farewell pina colada.
Hosni: A farewell pina colada? But I'm not... Oh man...

1 comment: