Sunday, February 13, 2011

the quiet man

"I rarely disagree with anything Clarence says," chuckles Chief Justice John Roberts. "I mean, very rarely. Not that we don't differ on certain key issues, but the fact is the man never opens his damn mouth."
It's true. When the Supreme Court begins it's new term next week, Justice Clarence Thomas will shatter his own personal best by having gone a remarkable five years without uttering a single significant syllable in any Supreme Court case. The previous record was set by Justice Samuel 'Silent Sam' Blatchford who maintained a seven week vigil of silence during a 1887 session of the court.
"Yeah, he's a little weird," says Justice Sam Alito. "I mean, I joined the court in 2006, so I've never heard him speak. I kind of think of the man like a piece of the furniture, so it's always rather disconcerting when he actually casts a vote using that silly ass little chalkboard he totes around."
"He's the same way around the house," says wife Ginny Thomas. "That's why I became a Tea Party activist, to have a little noise in my life. When Clarence is home, he just sits on the sofa and watches 'Animal Planet' with the sound off."
"Most of us agree that justice should be blind, but Clarence obviously believes that it should be mute as well," mused Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. "I know a lot of hoopla is being made over this five year milestone, but I was here when he first came to the court and I'm here to tell you that he wasn't exactly a chatterbox then. I mean, he would make an occasional disparaging remark about a clients argument or ask for a diet coke, that's about it. It wasn't much, but at least we knew he was still alive."


  1. I didn't know Clarence was Irish.

  2. But...but....he's...eeeyuuuu....dead!
    The parlor did a remarkable job on him, didn't they?

  3. Why should he have ever said anything? He was quite aware that he'd only demonstrate his illegitimacy and occupation of a sinecure.

    HA! Clarence Thomas talking!

    Get him a can of coke.

    Oh Ruth. If only it weren't so.

    but at least we knew he was still alive.