the quiet man

"I rarely disagree with anything Clarence says," chuckles Chief Justice John Roberts. "I mean, very rarely. Not that we don't differ on certain key issues, but the fact is the man never opens his damn mouth."   It's true. When the Supreme Court begins it's new term next week, Justice Clarence Thomas will shatter his own personal best by having gone a remarkable five years without uttering a single significant syllable in any Supreme Court case. The previous record was set by Justice Samuel 'Silent Sam' Blatchford who maintained a seven week vigil of silence during a 1887 session of the court.   "Yeah, he's a little weird," says Justice Sam Alito. "I mean, I joined the court in 2006, so I've never heard him speak. I kind of think of the man like a piece of the furniture, so it's always rather disconcerting when he actually casts a vote using that silly ass little chalkboard he totes around."   "He's the same way around the house," says wife Ginny Thomas. "That's why I became a Tea Party activist, to have a little noise in my life. When Clarence is home, he just sits on the sofa and watches 'Animal Planet' with the sound off."   "Most of us agree that justice should be blind, but Clarence obviously believes that it should be mute as well," mused Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. "I know a lot of hoopla is being made over this five year milestone, but I was here when he first came to the court and I'm here to tell you that he wasn't exactly a chatterbox then. I mean, he would make an occasional disparaging remark about a clients argument or ask for a diet coke, that's about it. It wasn't much, but at least we knew he was still alive."

Justice Thomas recuses himself from home

"Look at her, will you? Just take a long hard look. Grown woman with a damn piece of foam rubber on top of her head. That's quite a glamorous outfit for the wife of a Supreme Court justice, don't you think?"   Clarence Thomas is not in one of his upbeat moods. Not that he ever is, but still. Today he has taken up temporary residence at Washington's Ritz Carlton, the hotel recommended to him by his old adversary Harry Reid.   "Harry doesn't really understand the needs of the country, but he does understand what makes for a fine hotel," Thomas says with a moribund chuckle. "And he has better taste in wives than some people I could mention. Do you know what Harry Reid's wife does for a living? She keeps his damn house clean. And do you know what Harry Reid's wife's political opinions are? Me neither. She keep her damn mouth shut. She's not out there shooting her mouth off about the Tea party, or about how we've got to end Obama's tyranny. I don't know, call me crazy, but I was just thinking, here I am, the only black Supreme Court justice, and hey, we've elected a black president, maybe the two of us could have a cordial relationship. Of course that would be impossible to imagine were you to have a wife talking smack about him."   "You know what else Harry Reid's wife doesn't do?" asks Thomas, sitting down on the edge of his king-size bed and opening a Diet Coke. "Harry Reid's wife doesn't go around whacking hornets' nests by calling up his old employees and rekindling past unpleasantness. That means that Harry Reid doesn't have to worry about those nearly forgotten incidents resurfacing in a way that creates opportunities for new ugliness. I'd be willing to bet that Harry Reid has never been totally mortified by his wife's behavior."   "Harry Reid," Thomas sighs. "That lucky son of a bitch."

a friend on the court

The LA Times reports today that Ginni Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, has created a new TEA party group, Liberty Central Inc. "The group plans to issue score cards for Congress members and be involved in the November election, although Thomas would not specify how. She said it would accept donations from various sources - including corporations - as allowed under campaign finance rules recently loosened by the Supreme Court." Isn't that convenient, the loosening of those corporate/political restrictions? I'll bet that might even work to the benefit of Liberty Central, cause there's probably at least one or two corporations who are so cynical that they imagine some possible benefit could be derived from donating to a lobbying group where the CEO just happens to be married to a Supreme Court Justice. Justice Thomas is quick to dismiss any possible conflict of interest, noting that it would be virtually impossible for him to rule in a more corporate friendly way than he already does. "Now if a specific corporation was to donate heavily to my wife's group and a case involving them came before the court, there are those who might say that I should recuse myself. To them I say screw you, there's nothing in the law that says I have to, and quite frankly, I've got this gig for life." In spite of his wife's political activism, Justice Thomas remains a committed Republican, although he express a certain solidarity with TEA party dogma. "I too believe that the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood and tyrants, but it also needs to be fertilized with plenty of corporate booty."