Sunday, March 27, 2011


In the past, I have told you that Newt Gingrich is not really a serious candidate for president. I have asserted that what he is doing is exploiting the idea that he is a serious political figure. It's a beautiful scam but it's all about the money, money he can only raise by seeming to be a serious political figure. At least one person disagrees with my assessment, and to my surprise, that person joins me tonight as my special guest.
Good evening, Rachel. I would suggest that there is more than one person who disagrees with you.
Perhaps... My instinct is that in order to seem to be a serious political figure, and to further enrich yourself via that conceit, you have to flirt with becoming the most serious political figure in the land.
As you clearly demonstrate through your lifestyle choices, Rachel, your instincts are dead wrong. America needs a commander in chief with the courage to tell the truth, not a commander in chief who is confused about whether his job is kicking a soccer ball or leading the United States, and I am such a man.
Far be it from me to imply that you are a ball kicker, Mister Gingrich. That would imply that you were a team player. As far as I can tell, the only balls you want to kick belong to Barack Obama.
I would suggest that the majority of the American people join with me in that simple desire, Rachel.
Perhaps... But do you really think that the majority of the American people can seriously visualize you in a presidential role? You may be - and this would be quite an accomplishment - you may be the biggest flip-flopper in the history of American politics. Even Mitt Romney can call you a flip-flopper without feeling self-conscious. Just look, for example, at the contortions you've been through in the past week trying to explain your position on Libya.
I'm disappointed in your lack of research, Rachel. You obviously don't read my Facebook page because I clearly explained there that what I've said about Libya is directly based on what Obama has said on a given day. I can't be faulted because he keeps changing the course without telling me. I am totally consistent in being diametrically opposed to Obama at any given time.
Imagine for a moment a world in which Barack Obama did not exist. A world in which not only was he not born here, he wasn't born anywhere...
Is this one of those meditation techniques? Because it's really starting to relax me.
Go with it. If this was in fact an Obamaless world, what would your position on Libya be?
That's simple, Rachel, much like you. If you're not in a lake, don't jump in.
Seriously? If you're not in a lake, don't jump in? Okay, let's try another hypothetical. If you were in a strange neighborhood and saw a woman being brutally beaten and raped, what would you do?
I've got a strong sense of self-preservation, Rachel, so if I was in a strange neighborhood and witnessed that sort of assault, I'd go straight to somewhere safe and call the police. Anonymously.
Let's say that you saw the attack, knew the woman's life was in real danger, and that you had a very large firearm. What would you do then?
If I had a large firearm that Obama hadn't taken away yet? Well, let me ask you a question, Rachel. What does this woman look like?
She looks like me.
Nice try, Rachel, but I'm not about to fall for your gotcha question ploy. If I say that I wouldn't intervene, then you get to accuse me of homophobia. If you're not in a hole, don't dig one.
That's all the time we have. I want to thank Newt Gingrich for having the courage to come here to the Rachel Maddow Show.
Thank you, Rachel. I really enjoyed having the opportunity to verbally best you.


  1. "I am totally consistent in being diametrically opposed to Obama at any given time." So if Obama is a human being, Newt, what does that make you?

  2. If Obama says he's against al Qaeda, Gingrich will be for 'em!

  3. Newt may be 'unflappable', but he certainly isn't 'unflippable', 'unfloppable', or 'unflip-floppable'.

  4. Newt's conservative contract aka...a kinder, gentler Klan

    (Is Miss Maddow really Jon Stewart in drag?)