Sunday, April 3, 2011

everybody hurts

Spending the weekend in Las Vegas, home of the brokenhearted and those who wait on them, Mitt Romney took a hard and close look at the ravishes of a housing market that Barack Obama has single-handedly destroyed just for fun. During the trip, he personally nailed a foreclosure notice to the garage door of Bill and Betty Sadlyfe, an act that he felt really sad about.
"Boy, I would really hate it if this happened to me," said the hammering huckster. "Did you see their faces? Betty cried real tears. But at least they know their home was taken away by someone who cares about their plight. I'm sure that Obama would just have had one of his henchmen do it, but I've always been a hands on kind of a guy. You know, life is kind of like a roulette wheel. Sometimes you land on the black, and sometime you end up in the red. Once in a while, it comes up green and the House wins. I'm sure that's not a perfect analogy, but it's close."
"Unfortunately, this economic crisis and it's effect on the housing market has hit everyone. My good friend Lloyd here has worked hard for a living, and like many Americans, has always had a dream that one day he could have a penthouse on the Vegas strip as a vacation getaway. In order for him to fulfill that dream he needed to find a place for his wife's hairdresser to stay, and the Sadlyfe's little bungalow seemed to be the perfect solution. I don't know why they didn't want to sell it to him, but I'm sure they had deeply personal reasons of their own."
"Lloyd is luckier than a lot of people, since he owns the owners of a number of the mortgage companies, but like I said, he works hard for a living, and nobody should begrudge him a few simple pleasures. He was able to get the Sadlyfe's cottage for his housekeeper, but ironically, the modest penthouse he wanted on Flamingo Road was owned by Donald Trump. I don't know why Trump didn't want to sell it to him, but I do know why he'll never be president."

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