Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Mitt 'Shecky' Romney, Borscht Belt Politicain

"Mitt Romney... had just finished working the room at Blake’s Creamery here when he paused for a photo with the restaurant’s owner... and decided to tell her a joke. "I saw the young man over there with eggs Benedict, with hollandaise sauce,” he said. “And I was going to suggest to you that you serve your eggs with hollandaise sauce in hubcaps. Because there’s no plates like chrome for the hollandaise." - Dana Milbank, 6/15/11

Good evening, ladies and germs. Oops, I meant ladies and gentlemen. I call you ladies and gentlemen, but you know what you really are - hard working citizens who are sick and tired of having the government try to run your lives. I mean, isn't that what you've got a wife for?
The truth is, most people are still willing to do an honest day's work. The only problem is that they want a whole week's pay for it. I'm tellin' you, this culture of entitlements has got to stop. A man comes up to me yesterday, tells me a hard luck story about how he hasn't worked in a year, and asks if I can give him a few bucks so he can get something to eat. Well, I think about it, but because there are so many government handout programs, I have to ask him, 'How do I know you're not just going to use this money on booze?'. He points to his shirt picket and says 'Because I've got my drinking money right here'.

But the people of New Hampshire are hard working folks, I'm tellin' you, they work hard for a living, but they're appreciative of what they've got. On the way to Blake's Creamery tonight, my driver hit an elderly plumber. How do I know he was a plumber? Because when we hit him, he sprang a leak. So I call the ambulance, the paramedics get the plumber on the stretcher, and they ask him, 'Are you comfortable'. The guy looks up and he says, 'Eh, I make a living'.
The economy is really bad, people. I'm going to fix it if you send me to Washington but until then, you've just got find a way to make lemonade out of lemons. Of course then the Democratic Senate will probably try to put an excise tax on lemons, but what can you do? Take my president, please. Obama's economy is so bad that General Motors had to lay off fourteen Democratic senators. I'm tellin' you, this economy is in the pits, even the doctors can't make ends meet anymore. I know a lady, she went to a doctor who did a lot of unnecessary tests and then told her she only had six months to live. But when he found out she couldn't afford to pay her bill, he gave her six more months.
Hey, You all have been a great audience, I love the Granite State, and I'm going to be spending a lot of time with you good people for the next few months. Just remember the words of Ronald Reagan, if I may paraphrase just a little - Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession, but under Barrack Obama, I have come to the conclusion that it bears a very close resemblance to prostitution. It's  bad, people, but it's going to get better, if you just go out and vote for me early and often. Thank you and good night.


  1. I know a lot of folks who don’t eat eggs (they’re allergic, for health reasons, or concerns about animal cruelty). Here’s an awesome site that gives tips on cooking and baking without eggs:

  2. “. . . This has been a mosquito-infested year with all the moisture. They flew away with my wife Annie, as she was praying to Moroni.

    ah know you're out there--I can hear you breathin'."