Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Sean and Michele

"...but before we get started on tonight's discussion, I just want to tell you, Congressman Bachmann, how happy I am to have another friend of the show formally getting into the race for the Republican nomination."
"Thank you, Sean. God gave me the thumbs up."
"Well, thank the big guy for me, would you? I can't tell you how very anxiety filled I was to be here in middle of June and have Newt Gingrich as the only friend of the Sean Hannity Show that was running."
"I appreciate that, Sean. I know your policy of only throwing your very important endorsement to a friend of the show."
"Tell me about it, Michele. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would have been to have to endorse that old fool? Now I can hold my head up high and tell all my listeners that they have to get out there and work hard for Michele Bachmann. But, I need to say, no disrespect meant towards Newt Gingrich. He's still a heck of a guest and I love having him on the show. So, who do you think won the debate last night? I think you did, but I want to get your opinion."
"I've got to admit that Mitt Romney came off as quite poised, although he certainly has had enough practice time. And I would like to think that I acquitted myself respectably. But by and large everybody was on message, so I think it was the American people who were the winner."
"Did somebody ask me a question?"
"She said winner, moron, not Weiner. And you know the rules, just sit their quietly unless directly addressed."
"Sean, why is Anthony Weiner sitting in the panel right next to me?"
"The producer came up with that, but I think it's a great idea. See, we just put him in the panel and then we slap a funny graphic over him. See? '$pending our way to Oblivion'."
"Yeah, I see, and you've got a dollar sign instead of an S. Very clever. But... What is Anthony Weiner doing here?"
"Oh, he's not here anymore than you are, Congressman Bachmann. It's all live video and then the guys in the control booth put it together to make it look, you know, more telegenic."
"I don't..."
"It's kind of a visual reminder of what total losers liberals are. Weiner doesn't mind doing it, either. None of the other networks except for FOX are having him on, and he seems to have a bit of a television addiction. So, Michele, I noticed during the debate that you didn't attack any of the other candidates, not even Mitt Romney. Why is that?"
"I felt that this was my introduction to a large segment of the American people, so it was impor..."
"I'll bet you would have liked to attack Newt, though, wouldn't you? I'll bet you would have liked to wipe that smug look off of his jowly face."
"Sean, I get the distinct feeling that you and Speaker Gingrich have had some kind of falling out."
"Nothing could be further from the truth, Congressman Bachmann. It's just that I think that as a decent human being that Newt ranks a lot lower than Congressman Weiner. I mean, he hasn't suffered the same sort of embarrassment, but his moral failings are a whole heckuva lot worse. Don't you agree?"
"I don't know what to say."
"That's a first, ladies and gentlemen, right here on the Sean Hannity Show, Michele Bachmann is rendered speechless. But seriously, no disrespect meant to Newt Gingrich. He's had more than his share of good ideas. Newt is a friend of the show, he's a great guest, and he's welcome here anytime he wants. So my impression of your thoughts is that you thought Mitt Romney was bizarrely robotic and that you won the debate hands down."
"I don't think that's what I said..."
"Well, I think you were the clear winner."
"Uh, thank you, Sean. I guess that means that I can count on your support in the primaries."
"I can't honestly say that, Congressman Bachmann. There are other friends of the show that haven't made up their minds whether or not to run. It would have helped if you had announced your candidacy on my show rather than on CNN where nobody cares, but if it's just you and Newt, you definitely have my vote. And thanks for appearing on tonight's show."
"Sure thing, Sean. It was your pleasure."

 "Now coming up next, my very special guest Dick Morris is going to be here in person to discuss whether or not Anthony Weiner is as depraved as Bill Clinton."

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