Friday, August 19, 2011

undercover candidate

In an amazing admission, Michele Bachmann yesterday revealed the true story behind her five year stint of suing recalcitrant taxpayers taxpayer as a lawyer/agent for the reviled Internal Revenue Service.
"We change the economy by changing the tax code," she told supporters at a rally in North Carolina, before shouting out a sure-fire winner of a rhetorical question.. "How many of you love the IRS?" Nary a soul in the massive throng shouted out an affirmative response, or even raised a reluctant hand, so Michele was free to continue unencumbered by anyone who might disagree with her supposition.
"No! It’s time to change it," she exclaimed, letting those words ring a bit before making her astounding revelation. "I went to work in that system because the first rule of war is ‘know your enemy.’ So I went to the inside to learn how they work because I wanted to beat them."
The audience sat in shocked silence for a moment before reflexively genuflecting. A moment earlier the crowd had thought of her as a disgruntled former employee - now they understood that before them stood undercover agent Michele Bachmann.
"I understood many years ago that there would arise a time when we would need good men and women with the understanding necessary to dismantle the corporate welfare state and replace it with a pure corporate state," Bachman explained. "At the IRS, I sucked their knowledge up. I drank their milkshake. There is no other candidate alive that has the tools and experience that I have. What is essential in war is victory, not prolonged operations. That is another rule of war from Sun Tzu, I believe it's rule number nine. For those of you who might not know, Sun Tzu was a very wise Chinese general from back in the days before China turned Communist."
Bachmann also revealed that she was in possession of other esoteric knowledge which she claimed would help Tea Party Dominionists to reclaim the seven mountains of society.
"People think that it's easy to just waltz in and become a tax attorney at the IRS, but there are many perils along the way," Bachmann told the ever more appreciative multitudes. "When I first got my degree, I immediately sent them my resume, and in less than two weeks they offered me a job. However, in my haste, I had applied to the wrong IRS, which quickly became apparent. The first day they asked me if I wanted to meet the police, and I naturally said sure, I love our hard working law enforcement officers. But when we reached the meeting room, it was The Police, not the police. It suddenly hit me why there were so many record posters on the walls. But I don't regret a thing. Sting turned out to be very nice and now I am the only candidate running who has the requisite skills to write a hit record."


  1. "That's 'Dr. Bachmann' to you, buddy!"

  2. You know this just leaves all your readers wishing we'd gotten our degrees from Oral Roberts Law School too.

    Love ya,


  3. Now I know where that "da-doo-doo-dah" line comes from!

  4. Perfidy is a war crime, Michele