"I remember how hard it was in 2008, what with all the liberals being so happy about Barack Obama," said Virginia Ware, an effusive supporter of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. "They all seemed to be having so much fun, and there we were stuck with John McCain. The liberals really thought they had found the one. They thought Obama was their Messiah."
"They were way wrong," Ware snaps, pausing to slide a 'Trentonians for Christie' flyer under the windshield wiper of a dirty white Ford Taurus. "He was a false Messiah. And I know that because we've got the real thing right here in Trenton. And you know how you can tell? Because he won't answer our prayers. That's enough proof for me that he's the real thing."
Christie fever is running rampant through Red America, where the desire for a president who looks like the fat guy from a TV sitcom has become increasingly palpable. For the Republican presidential candidates, the prospect of Christie joining the race is seen as a mixed blessing.
"Chris is a great friend, a great guy, a colorful character," Mitt Romney said at a campaign stop in New Hampshire. "Who knows, maybe he'll get in. It'd be fun if he got in, it really would. You know, I didn't have a lot of fun the last time I ran for president. You know the book 'Game Change'? It's all true. None of the other candidates liked me and they weren't afraid to let me know it, so the idea of having a buddy in the race is really exciting. Maybe we could bunk together. You should see his Jackie Gleason impersonation - 'And away we go' and he kicks up his foot in a little dance move. That guy cracks me up. The only negative is how to deal with beating him. I mean, I'd feel pretty bad about that. Of course, he might beat me, and then the shoe would be on the other foot. Oh well, I guess it's always better to be beaten by someone you like, and at any rate, it would be nice to finally have a friend in the White House."
"Chris Christie runnin for president, that's a good one," chuckled Rick Perry. "That fella doesn't even look like he could walk for president. But it's all right, it's all right, him gettin in now might shake things up, specially for old Mitt. Yeah, I don't think that big boy's even gonna get his feet wet tryin to wade in my voter pool, so he'll have to go for Willard's. Oh man, I bet old Mitt's sweatin bullets about now... What's that? He's sympatico with Romney? I'm gonna have to think about it now. I'd hate to have a candidate offerin Mitt even a little camaraderie."
"If Christie were to get in, I would be overjoyed," confided Newt Gingrich. "For one thing, they would quit calling me the portly one in the race. People can be cruel, even when you don't want them to be. And he'll definitely hurt Romney, which is a good thing in and of itself. More importantly, it would knock some of the luster off of Perry, not that he hasn't accomplished that on his own. But you know how the voters are, they always love that new candidate smell."
"It's a free country, I don't care who gets in, other than Romney, but he's already in, so that's water under the bridge," scoffed businessman Herman Cain. "I just don't want this sucker to be hustling me for any free pizzas."
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