Tuesday, October 4, 2011

sports break

"Good evening, and welcome to 'Pardon the Interruption'. I'm Tony Kornheiser..."
"And I'm Michael Wilbon, and we're bringing you all the hottest stories in sports today. Tonight in major league baseball the Yankees are going to try and battle back against the surprisingly resurgent Tigers, while the Phillies are taking on the Cardinals in a game that started just a few minutes ago. As for the Brewers and the Diamondbacks, who cares?"
"Really. I mean, I'm a sports guy, and I can't even remember where the Diamondbacks are from. We're also going to be asking whether or not Tony Romo is the most overrated quarterback in the NFL."
"Oh, that should be a quick discussion. You can't be blowing 24 point leads in the fourth quarter like that. But the biggest story in sports right now involves our own network, ESPN. It seems like our mascot felt a little rowdy this morning..."
"Make that our former mascot, cause he's history, baby. Take a look at Hank Williams Jr on this video from FOX News."

"Wow... Did he really sit there and indicate that he thought Gretchen Carlson is hot, Tony?"
"He did, Michael, and you know, she really wouldn't be all that bad if you didn't have to listen to her annoying yammering. But I've got to ask, where the heck is his self-respect to be on a show with Steve Doocey?"
"That Doocey can do some big time yammering, although with all due respect, I've got to say that at least Williams didn't really seem to acknowledge him."
"That's probably because he appeared to be so wasted that he couldn't even count. Obama and Biden are the three stooges. Come on, big fella."
"Yeah, Tony, even Doocey picked up on that. But the thing that got me was that he really doesn't seem to be all that much of a sports guy."
"My thoughts exactly. Benjamin Netanyahu playing golf with Adolph Hitler? Ridiculous."
"I'll say. Netanyahu would absolutely murder him. You know the guy has a handicap of four."
"He has a heckuva swing. And correct me if I'm wrong, Michael, but wasn't Hitler a notoriously bad golfer?"
"The worst, but everyone was afraid to tell him."
"Say, did you ever hear the old joke about the golfer who spent so much time in the bunker that he started getting mail addressed to Hitler?"
"An oldie but a goodie. So, bottom line, ESPN cans Williams. Good thing or bad thing."
"I say good thing. Just play football."
"I agree, Tony. And I'm sick of that song. Moving on, Detroit sports are on fire right now with the Lions and Tigers. Question - can the Tigers wipe that smirk off the Yankees face?"

No comments:

Post a Comment