Thursday, October 6, 2011

Welcome to the B-list

"Hi, Sean! Hope you like banana-nut cause I've got muffins!"
"Oh, hi Sarah... As a matter of fact, banana-nut makes me kind of nauseous, but that's okay, cause I've got half a cheesesteak in my dressing room. What are you doing here?"
"I'm doing your show, silly, what do you think I'm doing?"
"Uh, didn't you get the message? I had Lois call to tell you that your segment had been canceled."
"Yeah, we've got a couple of technology gurus on. We thought we would spend our first segment discussing Steve Jobs tonight."
"Steve Jobs?"
"Yeah, you know, the founder of Apple, the second biggest corporation in the country. He was a great American. You might have heard that he died last night."
"Of course I heard about it, Sean. I was in my room last night, trying to watch the coverage about my big announcement and all they had on was Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs. He totally buried my coverage."
"Well, sure, and uh, that's why we thought we would do a segment on it tonight. Last night we had already done all the prep for the show by the time the news broke, and we had all the guests booked, and..."
"But you had me booked tonight!"
"And that's part of the problem, Sarah. We booked you last week, uh, before things changed."
"You mean, just because I announced that I wasn't going to run for president, you're blowing me off?"
"That's essentially correct, but I deny that I'm blowing you off. Look, I'm right here talking to you now. It's just that we've got this segment on Steve Jobs..."
"Screw Steve Jobs. You can put me on the second segment if he's so important to you!"
"Oh wow, I couldn't do that. I've got Hank Williams Jr on for the second segment. Big big story, and I'm the first one to get him."
"Okay, Sean, since I'm already here, I guess I could do the third segment after the half hour break."
"Well, like I said, this Hank Williams Jr thing is a really big story, so we're going to take it for two segments..."
"Well, I'm certainly not going to do your final segment."
"I should say not, Sarah. We've got Dick Morris booked. Listen, maybe we could have you on the radio show sometime next week. How does that sound?"
"Look here, Sean Hannity, I still have the ability to be the kingmaker in this race. A lot of the candidates are already calling me. And if I don't think there's anybody able to articulate the true conservative message, I still have the capability of launching a third party campaign."
"And if either of those things happen down the road, I'd be delighted to have you back on as a special guest."
"I'm not suddenly some kind of B-lister just because..."
"Oh wow, look at the time. Ten minutes till air. Gotta get over to makeup. Take care, Sarah, and stay in touch."


  1. You are one funny man.

    Don't stop.

    Made my day.


  2. Bad news for Kissingerites, eh.

    Who do they have now? TexPerry, or Romneytoid perhaps, if they can bribe him (as G-man Sachs has). Or they jus' stick with BO-co