"I'd be lyin' if I didn't say that I was a little apprehensive," says Texas Governor Rick Perry, taking a short break from his debate rehearsals. "Isn't that the craziest thing, preparin for a debate? It just doesn't seem natural somehow. Still, my campaign manager says I need it, and besides, everyone else is doing it, and they're all doin it with an eye on takin me out. My daddy used to say that it's not bein paranoid if everybody really is out to get you, and that bein the case, maybe I'm not bein paranoid enough."
"They say this is supposed to be an economics debate, and that would be just fine by me, cause I don't have any worries there, seein as how I don't have a plan to attack. Course they'll probably attack me for that. Herman Cain and Romney, they got plans, the S.O.B's, and the other guys, who cares? I'll have one too, just hold on. But I'm not fool enough to reveal my plan before an economics debate. That's just givin ammunition to the enemy. The less specific you are, the more transparent you are, and I just want em to look through me and see each other."
"You'd think that they'd all want to talk about Romney and the Mormon controversy. Not that I intentionally orchestrated it. All I did was ask a respected preacher to introduce me, and then he starts rattlin on about fake religions and cults. Course old Reverend Jeffers did the same thing last time Romney ran, but I just figured he'd learned his lesson by now, heh heh. It's all they're talkin about on the cable news. Askin everybody if it's okay to be a Mormon, and they're like, that's irrelevant. What the hell kind of answer is that? At least Santorum has the cajones to say 'He says he's a Christian'. Good answer, but nobody listens to that boy, anyhow. He's not real telegenic."
"Me, I don't even know the difference between LDS and LSD. As far as I can tell, they're both mind alterin, and it's pretty darn clear that I've never tried either, else you wouldn't catch me dead tryin to run for president in a Christian country. I'd just as soon vote for Obama, at least he pretends to be a believer. That's an exaggeration, of course. Maybe."
"But Romney, that's one lucky dog, I'm tellin you. I never heard of the Bloomberg channel so I checked it out, and we might as well be debatin on Al Gore TV, for all the difference it makes. They're like CNBC without the personality. All they care about is stocks and markets and finances, so it wouldn't totally surprise me if this really is an economics debate. That's why I'm studyin Romney's plan real close. With 59 bullet points, there's got to be some live ammo in there somewhere. That way I can answer any question with 'my plan, when I unveil it, addresses your point spot on, but just take a gander at Romney's point number 34, that's crazy'. And then I just stare at him like he's a member of some weird cult or something. Cause he is."
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