Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Booking Mitt

"Chris? Chris Wallace? Hello, how are you today? This is Mitt Romney."
"How's everything, Governor? I was just telling my executive producer that I was expecting to hear from you sometime before the close of business."
"Oh, really? The truth is, I just decided to call you a couple of minutes ago. Spur of the moment. Totally spontaneous. I'm like that sometimes. Drives my staff crazy. So why did you think I was going to call you? Not that you were wrong, but why were you thinking I would just decide to call Chris Wallace?"
"Journalistic instinct. That and the fact that I happened to look at the calendar, and I couldn't help but notice that due to Christmas and New Year's there are only two more dates for FOX News Sunday before the Iowa caucus."
"Really? Let me check... I've got a calendar right here on my computer and... By gosh, you're right."
"Of course. I'm a journalist. Anyway, I thought that considering the most recent polls..."
"Polls? Which polls? I see an incredible amount of polls, Chris. I wonder if you could be more specific."
"No problem, Governor. To steal a line from Sarah Palin, 'all of them'. I thought in light of that you might be rethinking your policy of avoiding the Sunday shows."
"Hmmm... No, I haven't been thinking that, Chris, but now that you mention it, it might be an interesting idea. Let me just take a look... Hey, looks like you're in luck. I think that I could pencil you in for December 18th."
"I'm sorry, Governor, but I'm afraid that would be impossible. Like I said, the 18th will be our last show of the year..."
"Works for me. That way I don't need to worry about someone showing up the next week and upstaging me. Not that I would ever worry about such a thing."
"I know that you wouldn't, Governor, but the fact is, that since it is the last show before the Iowa caucus, we're going to want to feature the frontrunner."
"That could very well be me, Chris."
"No it couldn't, Governor. You can't possibly turn things around in one week."
"Begging your pardon, Chris, but according to my calendar that's eleven and a half days."
"Nevertheless, we confirm all our bookings on Wednesday morning. So, should I count on you for this Sunday?"
"You're pretty certain that the 18th is taken?"
"I'm certain it will be."
"Well... I guess, go ahead and pencil me in. I've been thinking of giving you guys at FOX another chance, anyway."
"That's very gracious of you, Governor. Now, you won't be pulling an attitude on me, will you?"
"An attitude?"
"You know, like you did with Bret Baier the last time FOX had you on the air. That was not a good appearance."
"Do you really think so? I was just showing him a little glimpse of my spontaneous side, and I suppose that it's possible he just doesn't get the Mitt Romney sense of humor."
"I suppose that perhaps he does not. All right, then, I'll see you Sunday. And remember - no spontaneity."
"It's against my true nature, but I'll try."

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