Saturday, December 31, 2011

last minute retail politicking

"Governor Romney! We just wanted to give you a little memento from the people of Iowa."
"Oh my. That's beautiful. Like most Americans I love the color red. And it's got my name on it... What is it?"
"Can't you tell? It's a homemade Frisbee. Luanne quilted it herself."
"That's great, a quilted Frisbee. Can you throw it very far?"
"Who cares? We're too drunk to chase it anyhow... I don't guess you can relate to that, can you?"
"Of course I can relate. You don't have to be a drinker to relate to the joy I see on your faces. But you've got to ask yourself, just how much can Barack Obama relate to ordinary people like you and me? He's in Hawaii right now. Does anyone here know where Hawaii is?"
"It's not even in the continental United States. It's out there in the ocean... And it's warm."
"Indeed it is, quite warm. But you and I, we're out in the cold and the rain and the wind because we care about America."
"We're out in the cold and the rain and the wind because we live in Cedar Rapids. We can't just stay in the house until May."
"I understand. You can't stay in the house because you've got to go out and earn a living. But not Barack Obama. Did you know that he just finished his 90th round of golf?"
"Ninety rounds of golf in three years? How is that even possible?"
"You've got me. The logistics are staggering, but he doesn't care. He reminds me a lot of Marie Antoinette."
"Marie Antoinette? Did she play a lot of golf?"
"I truly do not know the answer to that, although it wouldn't surprise me if she did. But some of you might recall from history that when she was told the people of France had no bread, she said 'let them eat cake'."
"I'm just a simple hard-working woman, but that sounds like pretty good advice to me."
"Well, they didn't have any cake either."
"How about pie? I'd like some pie."
"Hush, grandpa, we'll have some pie after the rally."
"Speaking of pie, I want to get this nation back to the idea of growing the pie, rather than Obama's socialist belief that we should just accept the pie the size it is and try to make sure that everyone gets an equal slice."
"I kind of get what you're saying, Governor Romney, but what good does it do to have a bigger pie if we're still not going to get a slice of it, know what I'm saying? Now from what I've read, you've got a pretty big slice for yourself, so how are we supposed to believe that you can relate to ordinary folks like us?"
"Unlike Barack Obama, I can relate to ordinary folks because I have so many of them working for me."
"Can you give us jobs?"
"No, but if you'd care to follow me across the street to Lucy's Home-style Diner, I can get you a piece of pie."

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