Kim Jung-un startles the people

Good evening, loyal citizens of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. I hope that many of you are gathered around your community's television set and are listening to me with your full attention, for tonight I bring you both good news and bad news. Now before you grow too apprehensive, allow me to say that the bad news has nothing to do with your sadly meager food rations. Unfortunately neither does the good news.   Now as I'm sure you're aware, since today is the occasion of a rare half-day holiday, we are in the midst of celebrating the centennial of the birth of my paternal grandfather, the revered Kim Il-sung, the man you refer to as Eternal President. Which is something of a misnomer, but seeing as the only other leader any of you have ever known was my dad, I'll let it pass.   The reason you have been summoned to gather around your community television set is to reveal to you the reason why your rice sacks have admittedly been on the skimpy side over the past eighteen months. My father - the man you inexplicably referred to as Beloved Leader - had this burning desire to buy something special to properly commemorate the hundredth birthday of his father - a rocket ship mighty enough to launch an Earth observation satellite... Yeah, I know, it doesn't seem like a high priority for a starving country to me either, but you know my dad, he probably thought he could mount a bomb on it.   Long story short, I summoned you to congregate around your communal television set this evening in the hope that I could share with you glorious video footage of the launch of our mighty rocket ship, and the good news is that I shall do so  right now. Roll it, Jon-sun.   Okay, this is the countdown... three, two, one... blast off! Wow, take a look at those flames! That's impressive isn't it? You could cook a weenie in those flames if you were fortunate enough to have one... Slowly thrusting upwards into the cloudless sky and bit by bit gaining speed and altitude.. and now it rises so high that it's just a small silver needle in the sky and... and now it's much easier to see because it just tragically blew the hell up in a spectacular explosion and is falling into the ocean much like a metal pelican...   That's the bad news... It's like we just took your lunch money for the next year and flushed it down the toilet... That's a western device that most of you have probably never seen or even heard of because unfortunately my dad and my granddad had other priorities, such as nuclear missiles and Earth observation satellites... Or as dad would say 'deadry nucrear missurs and Earth observation satturites'. The old man never could master the English language, which put him at somewhat of a disadvantage when it came to saber rattling.   Now I realize that many of you are listening to my words with utter disbelief because you have never before in your brainwashed life so much as considered the concept of a Korean failure. From what my father and his father regularly assured you, we just sailed from great victory to great victory and our nation had never experienced failure in our entire history. You've seen our triumphs on your community television sets, and I guess you believe what you just witnessed to be an inexplicable hoax. That's my granddad's fault, I guess, since he's the one who introduced them to the people as 'magic boxes of truth', but really, as you just saw, the televisions will play pretty much anything we want them to.   The fact is that Korea has had more than our share of failures in the past. Did you know that there are countries in this world where the people aren't starving? It's true, but since you've always been told we're the Land of Plenty, I'm sure that's a difficult concept. I'm just hoping to initiate a little minor course correction here, so don't fret too much about it. And have yourself a very merry Kim Il-sung Day.

Christmas in Korea

After a grueling six days of pretending to be a semi-civilized nation, North Korea has been pushed to the limits of it's admittedly limited patience by South Korea's totally insufferable military drills.   "The racket is incessant, bang bang bang, day and night," said North Korean armed forces minister Kim Yong-chun. "And that incessant singing of music you can't even march to... What is that cacophony? We have asked the traitors to the south to please keep the commotion down so our people can get some sleep. Without sleep, they cannot be productive workers, but does the South care? No, they do not. They scoff at us. Go ahead and ask them."   "Scoff at them?" replied South Korea's President Lee. "I suppose if calling a country a cesspool of barbaric assholes is scoffing, then we plead guilty. Personally, I would say we insult them, but you know, some people are too dumb to know when they're being insulted. Hey, if the shoe fits, wear it. Oh. I forgot. Most of the people in the North have no shoes."   "Please relay to illegitimate President Lee the fact that while our massive military may have no shoes, they do have boots," replied Yong-chun. "We shall use those boots to march over their ineffectual soldiers. To counter the enemy's intentional drive to push the situation to the brink of war, our revolutionary forces are making preparations to begin a holy war at any moment necessary based on nuclear deterrent."   "Bwahahahaha," responded President Lee. "Hee hee hee hee hee... It is to laugh. Tell that moron Kim Yong-chun that not only do the people of the North have no shoes, not only do they have no food to eat, they have no religion, so how the hell does he think they're going to have a holy war? Oh, and tell him to look right across the border at Aegibong Peak."   "Oh, that is so obnoxious," said a stunned Yong-chan, laying down his binoculars. "And for the South, so incredibly bold that it gives me pause. A hundred foot Christmas tree with a plus sign on top, surrounded by festive holiday carolers so richly adorned that our citizens would surely revolt from pure envy if they were allowed to see it. That is beyond provocative...You win this round, President Lee, my morale is temporarily sapped."

genius on the world stage

Tensions were dramatically lowered on the Korean peninsula early today when South Korea's President Lee received an unexpected missive from insane dictator Kim Jong-il. "Happy holidays from the fun and freedom loving citizens of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea," it read. "You've been punked."   Suddenly and without a word of warning, North Korea had backed down from it's pledge to inflict "brutal consequences beyond imagination" upon South Korea. They just didn't "feel any need" to respond to the South's silly military actions since they recognized them for what they truly were - "nothing but a childish play" for attention. Not only that, but the south was just "firing shells left unused during the military provocation on Nov. 23 - you know, the one where we blew up their island."   "Well, those guys really dodged a bullet this time," said President Lee. "If North Korea had subjected us to brutal consequences beyond imagination, we would have retaliated big time. There's no telling what we might have done. I know we've talked about responding to their attacks in the past, but we've had about enough and this time we really meant it. Maybe the ferocity with which our military was firing our missiles into the Yellow Sea frightened them, I don't know. It sure as hell scared some of the bluefin tuna."   North Korea wasted no time in trumpeting the remarkable diplomacy they showed by refraining from inflicting brutal consequences beyond imagination upon the South, calling upon the world to recognize "who is the real supporter of peace and who is the real provocateur of a war."   "It's true that I'm a South Korean," said United Nations  Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon, "but today I must speak out in my role as a representative for the entire world and say Stick it up your ass, Jong. You bet we recognize who the real provocateur is."   Aside from their own love of diplomacy, North Korea had another more practical reason to avoid conflict at the moment, it's realization of America's insidious plot to use "South Korea's military provocation" to force the North into a war that would save the U.S. from bankruptcy.   "Damn, I can't believe they figured it out," said a disappointed President Obama. "Those guys really are the sharpest tools in the shed. I was going to call it Stimulus II, because if the last ten years have proven anything, it's what a beneficial effect a couple of good wars can have on the economy. Oh well, I guess it's back to the drawing board."

Babyface

He's here! He's here! The new dictator is here at last! It was a wildly exciting day in Pyongyang as the very first photo of Kim Jong-un was released, a photograph which confirmed the rumor that the future Supreme Ruler of North Korea was cute as a button.    Kim Jong-un is only 28 years old, which will make him the youngest brutal dictator in North Korean history. Educated at the International School of Berne in Switzerland, his rise to power has been meteoric, primarily due to the fact that his father's health is in decline and Jong-un is the only one of his kids he liked. He is a member of the Central Committee of The Party, a job at which he was obviously so successful that earlier this year he was named as deputy chairman of The Party's military Commission. His lack of military experience has not proven an impediment, and last month he was given the rank of four-star general in the People's Army due to his ability to look absolutely adorable in a uniform. "For sixteen years, North Korea has been under the thumb of a cruel dictator with a face eerily reminiscent of a hatchet," said admiring dung worker Song Yon-hee. "It will be a pleasure to be under the thumb of a babyface like Kim Jong-un."

Happy 62nd

It's party time in Pyongyang today as mandated by insane dictator Kim Jong-il, and workers were given half a day off in order to orderly celebrate by visiting gigantic statues of Eternal President Kim II-sung. The anniversary of the founding of the glorious Democratic People's Republic of Korea marked 62 years of deprivation for the starving citizens who made merry by gaily waving the sparklers they had been given this week in lieu of pay. The state bakery displayed an enormous sixteen inch rice cake which the people thronged to see, and surviving members of the state soccer team were beaten in the public square. The anniversary of the founding is one of three official holidays, along with the birthday celebrations for Kim II-sung and Kim Jong-il. The citizens had been hoping that the dictatorship would have been passed to Jong-il's son Kim Jong-un by now, but the old madman stubbornly continues to hang onto both life and power, claiming the people are only interested in getting another half day off work. As part of the preparation for the anniversary, the General Federation of Science and Technology held a public display of a new video bowling game based on 'The Big Lebowski' that they had developed in conjunction with Rupert Murdoch's News Corp (which is not technically in violation of American and European sanctions). News Corp gets the benefit of an extremely cheap labor pool while North Korea sees software development as a potentially lucrative revenue source for the cash strapped nation, although neither side has asked the all-important question: who the hell is clamoring for a video bowling game based on the Big Lebowski? Certainly not the unfortunate citizens of North Korea who have no means of playing video games, and who no doubt hold a quite different concept of what a White Russian is. Most North Koreans who saw the demonstration were singularly uninterested in the game as soon as they learned it was not edible.

mercy

North Korean women's team celebrate the firing of Kim Jong-hun Due to the declining health of Kim Jong-il and the transition of power to his son Kim Jong-un, it's been an anxious period for the North Korean Soccer team that shamed the nation in the 2010 World Cup. It took a few weeks, but justice has finally been dispensed. In a surprise to all concerned, the disgraced players were treated almost mercifully, and the coach remains alive and thus far untortured. "I was very frightened when we were ordered onto the stage at the People's Palace of Culture," said Ri Kwang-Chon. "After all, we had humiliated our Beloved Leader in front of the world, so I was ready to accept my fate. I even made out my will, leaving my small bag of turnips and my extra socks to my brother Kim. The room was packed with government officials, and when I saw the Minister of Sports Pak Myong-choi, I was prepared for the worst. But then who should appear but Pak In-Guk, my favorite sports announcer. I relaxed right away because I knew a man like Pak could never be the instrument of my demise." Instead, In-Guk presided over a six-hour long torrent of verbal humiliation, which concluded with a special roast of hapless Coach Kim Jong-hun. "The insults they hurled were sharp indeed, each one more richly deserved than the previous," claimed Kwang-Chon. "Their criticism was surprisingly devastating considering the fact that I had thought myself to have no more self-esteem to lose. I feel I owe the officials an apology for the way I made them strain their voices. But after only a few hours, they stopped the torment and showed us a curious kindness, asking me and my teammates to castigate our coach. This was an opportunity we seized with relish, for if Kim Jong-hun had been a coach of any merit, we surely would not have been such pathetic worms. I do not have the sharpest of tongues, but I tried to the best of my ability to carve that son of a dog a new asshole." "Things could have been a lot worse," said Jong-hun. "Indeed they should have been, for I am a true slug of a coach. The words of my players hurt, it's true, but it was a cleansing pain that I felt. I probably was not even sufficiently humiliated when they stripped me of my job as coach and the women's soccer team did the Pyongyang Happy Dance. I accepted the shovel for my new job with true gratitude, and asked myself 'Is that all there is?' It is truly a new day. The old Kim Jong-il... he would have kirred me. He would have annihirated me. He would have torn me rimb from rimb. He would... Uh, please, you're not going to report this, are you?"

The Jong Report

"Guess who just shot 82 today, Hillary..." "Who shot 82? What? God, I hope you're not talking about the Taliban..." "No, eighty-two on the golf course. That would be me. El Presidente. Or you can call me Tiger." "Tiger Woods would probably commit suicide if he ever shot an 82. You weren't seriously playing golf today, were you?" "Why not? We haven't had a major new crisis since Monday." "No, I mean that it's over a hundred degrees outside, and with the humidity..." "They've got this special enclosed presidential golf cart, with air-conditioning and a mini-bar..." "Oh yeah, Bill used to love that. But when it got this hot, he'd just go along for the ride and drink beer. He'd use a proxy to get out of the cart, and then criticize the poor guy if he made a bad shot." "Heh heh heh... Well, my proxy is Bob Gates. That's how I managed to shoot an 82. Anyway, down to business." "You've got that look in your eye..." "Come on, Hillary, you know what I like." "The Jong Report? Your favorite briefing. I'm afraid I've got some distressing news in this one, Mister President. You may not care for it." "Distressing news? Well, go ahead and give it to me." "As you know, Pyongyang is making threatening noises again as we commence our military drills with South Korea. So the North is saying... let me read this so I get it right. It's kind of strangely nuanced... Okay. 'The army and people will legitimately counter with their powerful nuclear deterrence the largest-ever nuclear war exercises'." "Yeah, counter with deterrence, I've been thinking about that ever since I first heard it. It's meaningless." "It means something, I'm just not sure what. The thing that puzzled me was their promise of 'retaliatory sacred war'. North Korea talking about sacred war?" "Really. That phrase doesn't even make sense in the context of their culture." "They also said 'The more desperately the US imperialists brandish their nukes and the more zealously their lackeys follow them, the more rapidly the nuclear deterrence will be bolstered up along the orbit of self-defense'." "The usual bullshit. What's the upshot?" "They'll probably shoot a few missiles into the sea, something to try and get our attention. The most interesting thing is that we don't believe this message came from Kim Jong-il." "Really? Why is that?" "Because if it was from Jong, it would have been 'The more desperatry the US imperiarists brandish their nukes and the more zearousry their rackeys forrow them, the more rapidry the nucrear deterrence wirr be borstered up arong the orbit of serf-defense'. Just sayin." "Bwah haha ha ha..." "Jong would have said 'We are becoming increasingry tired of the of the berrigerence of the West and their imperiarists miratary. We would just as soon annihirate you as rook at you. As for the irregitimate government of the South and their craims that we started these tensions by browing up their ritter boat, we have stated crearry in the past that they are rying asshores'." "Hoo hoo hoo, oh I rove it, that rying asshore line gets me every time." "Just don't rove it too much, boss. Remember I said I had some distressing news? Here, take a look at this photo." "What the hell is that? The Oscar for ugliest dictator?" "Not bad... This surfaced a few days ago in Pyongyang. It's a statue of Jong." "Okay... and you're saying the the country is now so poor that they now have to use pewter instead of bronze for their statues? What's the significance?" "The significance is that there is a statue. Jong is still a follower of Confucianism, so he believes that..." "That a statue would symbolize the end of his regime. Damn, I'm glad I picked you for this job, Hillary." "Thank you. This probably means that our intelligence has been spot on, and Jong will be replaced by his third son before the end of summer." "Kim Jong-un." "Kim Jong-un or Kim Jong Eun or Kim Jong-woon or Kim Jung Woon, whatever the hell you want to call him. Don't laugh, he's apparently got a lot of names." "I know, I just like the way you say them." "I think that we can probably conclude that the latest North Korean belligerence is just a way to keep our focus elsewhere while they negotiate the transfer of power... But I'm afraid the bad news is that Jong-un has no accent." "No accent?" "Not a funny one, at any rate. He went to school in Switzerland and speaks pretty good English, German and French." "Aww... Chirac and Merkel are going to be disappointed. The Jong Report just isn't going to be the same." "Don't give up. There's an awful lot we don't know about him yet. Like, reportedly he's pretty overweight..." "Uh Huh. That's a good look to have in a starving country." "...and he's a heavy drinker who refuses to admit mistakes..." "Sounds like an ex-president I know." "...and akin to Beroved Reader before him, the radies rike him." "Heh... Thanks, Hillary. I guess we'll still have the memories." "Any time, boss. That's what I'm here for."

North Korea drubbed

Kim Jong-il demostrates prototype of the new Taepodong-3 missile North Korea was beaten like a cheating hooker today in their World Cup match against Portugal, who scored an amazing seven points before the clock put an end to their misery. It was quite possibly the most points ever scored against the North Korean team who was making only their second appearance on the international stage. To rub salt into the wound, the belligerent but impoverished nation interrupted their round the clock propaganda on state controlled television to broadcast the game, which allowed those fortunate enough to live in the vicinity of a TV to experience the beating in glorious black and white. "North Korea did not receive a drubbing," said diminutive dictator Kim Jong-il, only moments after ordering the execution of the soccer ambassadors and their coaches. "There was a crear riberar bias against our sadry deceased athretes that borders on the obvious, much rike we border against the mutinous traitors to our south. Traitors, who I might point out, recentry had their sirry battership sunk to the bottom of the sea by the American imperiarists. When wirr they ever rearn?" "At any rate, the truth sharr soon be known by the ironicarry named Peopers Repubric of Korea, as we announced earrier on state terevision. The entire game was prayed backwards. When we show it in the proper format, everyone wirr be aber to see our nober dead athretes, kirred by an unscrupurous and unprovoked American attack, rarry from a seven point deficet to a grorious 0-0 tie. And of course, we win arr ties." "The best part of this wirr be our magnificent victory rap, where we rip the insignificant nation of Portugar asunder," gloated Jong, whose country may have recently shown that they have mastered nuclear fusion, the technology necessary for building a hydrogen bomb. (A report either so frightening or so boring that the media has chosen to completely ignore it.) "When we comprete our victory rap, the Portuguese won't even know what hit them. So I wirr terr them, here and now. It was our brand spanking new Taepodong-3 missire that merted your faces. The H-bomb. Perhaps you've heard of it before?" "Oh, so they've got an H-bomb, do they?" said Portugal's soccer coach Carlos Queiroz. "Well, bad news, that. Still, before we meet our supposed demise, at least we'll have the satisfaction of knowing that our team beat them like a rented mule. Although I do suppose that analogy will just make their people hungrier."

The Jong Report

"Mister President? Barry?" "Come in and take a load off, Hillary. I've been anxious to hear about the preparations for your Asia trip. Can I have them get you something to drink?" "Coffee would be great... As for the trip, everything seems to be on schedule. I'll be in Japan first, meeting with Prime Minister Hatoyama and Foreign Minister Okada, ostensibly to discuss our air base, but I imagine we'll primarily focus on North Korea. Then it's on to China, where they want me to tour their Shanghai Expo. All day Saturday. God I hate those things. Then I meet up with Geithner and the rest of the guys on Sunday for our economic talks. I guess my main role in that will be to try to keep my eyes open. And then on Monday, it's off to South Korea to meet with Mungobungo." "Myung-bak, President Lee Myung-bak. He hates it when you mispronounce his name, Hillary. "Yeah, whatever. I asked him last time if I could just call him Lee, so it's all good now. I'm just worried about what our proper course to take is in shaping a meaningful response to the North Korean aggression." "Just make sure that Myung-bak takes the lead, that's all. It was their boat that the North sank, so they need to decide how much they want to commit, and then we decide what we can support." "Well don't be surprised if you get one of those three in the morning phone calls, Mister President. Nobody's ever been able to figure out what to do with Kim Jong-il. By the way, I wanted to say a couple things about last night's state dinner for President Calderón." "That was some wingding, wasn't it. How did you like Beyoncé? President Calderón seemed enchanted by her." "Yeah, but then I think you might have harshed his buzz when you segued her into the Marine Corp Band. You probably could have gotten Jay-Z in a package deal. By the way, did it ever occur to you that just because you have the president of Mexico over for a state dinner, you don't have to serve him Mexican food? Like, how would you feel if when you went to Russia, they served you a Big Mac and fries?" "I guess that much like your husband, I'd feel pretty good about it. What the hell do you know about preparing for a State Dinner, anyway? ...Jeez, forget I asked that." "Forgotten." "So, before you leave, Hillary, do you think you can do one little last thing for me?" "Oh. What would that be?" "Come on. You know what I like..." "The Jong Report? You love that, don't you?" "I can't help myself, Hillary, it makes me raugh." "It makes you raugh, does it? Then rets do it." "Peeper of Korea, this is your beroved reader Kim Jong-ir with urgent news regarding our enemy to the south. As you have probabry heard, the irregitimate government of President Mungobungo recentry rost one of their primitive war ships when it was struck by an American misser. This is the reason for the hastiry arraigned visit from Hirrary Crinton." "Heh heh heh heh..." "It's bad enough that the imperiarist United States attacked our mortar enemy to the south, something that we would never do for a mirrion dorrars. Okay, maybe for ten mirrion dorrars we would murr it over... But now, that is exactry what we are now being accused of by the rying asshore Mungobungo." "Wah ha ha ha ha ha, rying asshore. hee hee hee..." "This wirr not stand! South Korea terrs the worrd that it matched the torpedo which sank their sirry ship with one that was recentry featured in our export weapons catarogue. What are these scoundrers doing with our catarogue? They aren't even on our mairing rist." "Bwah hahahaha ha ha... Do the eyes again." "This wirr not stand. North Korea is the riving embodiment of the hopes of arr mankind, as werr as something that the radies rike. You know what I mean, Hirrary? I know you do" "We warn our traitorous enemy that they wirr have to present definitive proof that is suspicion-free, and capaber of even fooring me. In response to any type of punitive measure, we will retariate, even with an arr-out war, and that's not a pretty site. We have rong-range Taepodong missirs, which we can send crashing down rike a viorent purper rain. Purper rain, purper rain..." "Hoo hoo hoo, wah hee hee hee, stop, bwahahahaha stop it Hillary, I can't take no more." "What did you say? You don't rike my singing?" "I said, Stop it, Hirrary, that's arr I can take." "Okay, as rong as you ask me nicery... Hey, gotta get to my flight. Tell the kids I'll bring them back something special from the Shanghai Expo." "That's nice. Good luck with Mungobungo. Try not to get too worked up about North Korea. We've been trying to figure out what to do with those guys since Eisenhower. And thanks a lot for the Jong Report. That always puts me in a better mood." "No problem, boss, happy to be of service.."

Horiday greetings from the Beroved Reader

Good morning, United States of Imperiarism. Happy fourth of Juri. By the way, just in case you were wondering, those exprosions you heard in the sky this morning were not fireworks. Indeed they were not. They were your most horriber nightmares coming true. Those were greetings from the Democratic Peopers Repubric of North Korea. Bwahahaha. Do not threaten us with retariation or you wirr quickry find yourserves obriterated. Any resistance wirr prove futire Hey! Hey! Pay attention. Big story here! We just raunched missers! Rarge barristic missers of the type strictry prohibited by your useress United Nations Security Councir. Would you rike to do something about it? I bet you woud, but instead you are probabry trembering rike an infant. Oh come on, admit it, our missers must have shown up on your useress radar screens. Why didn't they show up on your CNN? State secret? It won't be a secret for rong. What about your saterrites? I can't berieve for one moment that your saterrites did not capture the grory of our raunch. Hey! Hey! What is that praying on your radio? Miker Jackson? Forget about your dead and ineffectuar King of Pop - he cannot save you now. You want to be starting something? We are bad, we are bad, we are rearry rearry bad. We wirr give you a rear thrirrer, Obama, it does not matter if you are Barack or white. Bwahahahaha. Barack or white, that is a good one. I must give credit to Kim Jong-un for assistance with popurar curture refference. What? You were ristening to news of the quitter Sarah Parin and not to North Korea's mighty roar? I should terr you that our missers are now easiry capaber of reaching her beroved Araska. You show weakness in even considering such a woman for your reader. She would be nothing but another George Bush, much rike Barack Obama after him and Birr Crinton before him. You are arr George Bush in the eyes of the worrd. Don't brame me, imperiarist America, you are the country that invented the stereotype You may now return to eating your hot dogs sandwiches and drinking your Mirrer Rite beer, America, now that you have been thoroughry ararmed. Happy fourth of Juri! Did I mention that we have giant robots?

Clinton remarks receive mixed reaction

North Korea reacted strongly a couple of time today after Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's contention that the starving nation might be placed back on the highly exclusive listing of terrorist enablers. Speaking earlier on 'This Week With Stephanopoulos', she noted the even though President Bush had revoked their membership, the Obama administration would be taking a look at reinstating them on the List O' Shame. "Obviously, they were taken off of the list for a purpose, and that purpose is being thwarted by their actions,” Clinton said. Kim Jong-Un, North Korea's young dictator-in-waiting, took the opportunity to issue his first official pronouncement. "This is quite a great day for North Korea," Jong-Un told the DRNK Central News Agency. "To be placed on such an elite list is quite a special honor, and we applaud the United States for this eloquent effort to appease us. It's such a thrill to join our esteemed colleagues like Sudan, Iran, and Syria, even Cuba, although they've gotten a bit soft the past couple of decades, but what the heck, we're just proud to be part of the club." Less than sixty minutes later, still-acting-dictator Kim Jong-il appeared live via broadcast from Kwangmyongsong-2, North Korea's imaginary satellite, in which he put a markedly different spin on Secretary Clinton's statement. "Do not risten to the foorish words of my brainress son, who should not be tarking to the press without my authorization. He fayrs to understand the sort of devirs with which he is dearing, and he apparentry has not the srightest idea of what the Rist O' Shame is. Hirrary Crinton in a mortar enemy of the North Korean peoper, as is the entire criminar Obama administration. I warn the American peoper that if their reckress government dares to put us back on their ridicurous terrorist rist, we wirr meet that action with pitiress retribution, and unreash a riving herr such as you can barery begin to imagine. And as for Kim Jong-Un, who wirr one day be the Beroved Reader, he's got a rot of expraining to do."