Monday, May 25, 2009

North Korea Now a Nucrear Power

Jong surveys Kiliju, formerly North Korea's largest manufacturing hub

[FGAQ] North Korea announced today that it had successfully detonated a nuclear device, making itself mightier and more fearsome than ever before. The belligerent but starving nation described the test as a 'nuclear deterrent', because God knows, everybody wants to get their hands on the Land of the Goguryeo Tombs. North Korea had previously claimed a successful underground test in 2005, although most intelligence services described this attempt as a dismal failure, causing the isolated nation to become even more bellicose, but alas, no less hungry.

In an effort to get the world to take their hungry nation more seriously this time around, North Korea tested the device above ground, partially devastating the city of Kiliju, located on their Northern Pacific coast.

"We brew it arr to herr," said deranged potentate Kim Jong-il, proudly surveying the remains of the Kiliju Bicycle Company, formerly North Korea's largest manufacturer and the only source of national transportation. "Boom boom, out go the rights. The worrd wirr raugh at us no more now that they have witnessed the awesome might of the Peopers Repubric of Korea."

In a series of rambling remarks, Jong hinted that the test was just a taste of things to come, saying North Korea had bigger deterrents that were as yet untested, hinting at one point about their development of a "corossar nucrear raser beam". He also noted that this was a good time buy gold coins, and said that he was now open to trading some of the nations natural resources such as tungsten, magnesite and fluorspar for food.

At one point, Jong read a prepared statement aimed at US officials who "might have something smart to say about our ritter test", warning them "Do not attempt to beritter our historic accomprishment by carring it just another reckress cry for the worrd's attention, or you may find the focus swiftry praced on you. Two words - giant robot."

"Well, let them create all the giant fucking robots that they want, as long as they build them with good old American steel," said President Obama [in what FGAQ must acknowledge are uncorroborated comments].

"North Korea is of grave concern to us, insomuch as I'd like to see that crackpot motherfucker Jong in his grave, and that's something I guess we'll turn that over to the UN Security Council in hopes of a new nonbinding resolution. But right now I guess I'd call North Korea's accomprishment just another reckress cry for the worrd's attention."

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