Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Unhappy Housemates

"As FOX News expected, President Obama today selected a radical left-wing activist as his first nominee to the Supreme Court, delighting the radical wing of the Democratic party, a faction which in recent days has expressed doubts about Obama's true level of commitment to extremism. The choice of Sonia Sotomayor, who is not only a federal appeals judge from the Bronx but also a registered woman, continues the President's pattern of gratuitously indulging the female demographic by putting various of their representatives in positions of leadership. As if that were not enough pandering for one day, there are early reports that Sotomayor, in spite of her first name, may actually be Hispanic, which if confirmed, can only be seen as the most cynical type of appeasement..."

"Don't forget baseball fans," grumbled Minority Leader Boehner, turning off the TV. "There are probably a lot of citizens out there who will support this radical, female, Hispanic New Yorker simply because she single-handedly saved baseball. Quite frankly, I'm not sure how she did that, but that's what they're saying."

"I think I can explain," said Boehner sidekick Eric Cantor. "See, the baseball union was having this strike back in 1995. It was a money thing, I suppose..."

"Isn't it always?"

"Right you are, John, but money makes the world go round. Anyway, the owners were trying to save some dough by not negotiating and refusing to bid on free agents and, uh... I guess I'm not sure how she saved baseball either..."

"Well, I'll bet it had something to do with judicial activism."

"Yes it did, John, yes it did, I remember that part. It had to do with judicial activism. And you want to know something else? I hate baseball."

"I'm with you on that, Cantor. I'm not all that crazy about baseball myself. Do you happen to remember which side Sotomayor was on, the owners or the union? As if I really need to ask..."

"No, you needn't... This is kind of depressing, isn't it? Such a trifecta of pandering... Still, if we can play up Ricci v. DeStefano, I think I can hold our coalition together an keep her from getting a single Republican vote in the House."

"Sill a little wet behind the ears, aren't you Cantor?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that according to the Constitution, the House doesn't get a vote on Supreme Court nominees."

"Oh, jeez, that's nonsense. Bush should have put someone on the court that would've overturned that. Where's judicial activism when you need it?"

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