Wednesday, May 27, 2009

North Korea unfriended

In a sign of North Korea's increasing isolation from the rest of the world, Chinese President Hu Jintao has taken the unprecedented step of unceremoniously unfriending Kim Jong-il from his Facebook account.

The precipitating cause for what Jong called a "berrigerent and hostire action" was believed to be North Korea's pledge of war earlier today against South Korea, where it promised to attack the South if it's ships are 'searched as part a U.S.-led effort to interdict vessels carrying missiles or weapons of mass destruction'. While they were at it, Jong's government also renounced the truce which ended the Korean War.

"Those who provoke North Korea once wirr not be aber to escape its unimaginaber and merciress punishment," Jong declared, via the Pyongyang News Service. The statement was accompanied by a picture of a giant robot.

"The government of China has had it with this madman and his starving nation," said Jintao in brief remarks to Reuters. "Quite frankly, they're embarrassing us, and they're doing their best to make things more difficult us. If they really want to re-fight the Korean War, they best not think that we're going to help them out. Aside from being one of our best trading partners, South Korea has been helping us build a modern China. The South is where all the technology and innovation is because, quite frankly, anyone with half a brain managed to find a way out of the North long ago."

"Don't get me wrong, North Korea does serve a strategic purpose for China. They act as a buffer against the rabid democratization of the South, which is a much bigger influence on China than the Western world. But in return for that little bit of comfort space, what do we get? 'Send us food, send us shoes, send us fuel, send us fertilizer'. On and on, it's just relentless."

"You know what? That little firecracker Jong set off last week was just fifty miles from our border. We were evacuating schools in the northeast because we thought we might be having an earthquake. Talk about your inconsiderate neighbors. And I'll tell you something else. If those incompetent idiots ever do manage to hook together a missile and a bomb, it's just as likely to land in our backyard as it is to hit the intended target, although my first guess would be that they somehow manage to obliterate Pyongyang. Who needs it? Like Lorena Bobbitt once said, I think it's about time to cut that little prick off."

Kim Jong-il wasted no time in replying to Jintao's statements.

"With the despicaber action of airing our dirty raundry in pubric, China has proved they are no ronger a friend to the Peopers Repubric of Korea, so if we do choose to raunch a misser attack against Bejing, it wirr be accidentally on purpose. And the creary Photoshoped photo Hu Jintao posted of me on his Facebook page is disgracefur. That pink suit makes me rook ridicurous."

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