GOP blasts latest Nobel winner

Prominent conservatives are once again outraged at the Nobel Committee, this time for awarding the Nobel Prize in Economics to American Elinor Ostrom, the first woman to be so honored. "What is this, a diversity board?" asked Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions. "Whoopee for diversity, that's what I'm supposed to say? First the Nobel Committee gives the Peace Prize to Barack Obama, which is so completely ludicrous that you have to laugh just to keep from punching someone. Peace Prize? I haven't had a moment's peace since he was elected, I'm telling you that straight up. It burns my toast. They've got an agenda, I tell you. They won't be happy until Obama succeeds... What were we talking about? Oh yeah, Elinor Ostrom. Never heard of her." "There's something deeply suspicious about the way the Nobel Committee is targeting Americans this year," said House Minority Leader John Boehner. "Eleven out of thirteen recipients are Americans. What's wrong with that picture? Are they trying to imply that Americans are the best and the brightest? I think that it's high time we dissuaded them from that attitude." "Oh yeah," interrupted Sessions. "I meant to add that one of the Americans was named Venkatraman Ramakrishnan. What is this, a diversity board?" "I did a little research on this Ostrom woman," said Minority Whip Eric Cantor. "It wasn't easy, because I'd never heard of her. Anyway, she supposedly received the prize for her work in 'Economic Governance'. Well, I looked in Wikipedia and there's no such thing as 'economic governance'. I mean, if it doesn't have a Wikipedia page, it might as well not exist. I have a Wikipedia page... So does Elinor Ostrom, but I didn't read it because you can't believe anything you read on Wikipedia." "On one hand I suppose I should be glad that a woman has finally received this prestigious award," fumed former contender Newt Gingrich. "But Elinor Ostrom? Forgive me for smirking, but why in God's name not give the award to a woman with some real life economic experience like Maggie Thatcher or Angela Merkel? Or a great economic theorist like Ayn Rand?" Rhetoric is expected to become even more heated after the publication of photos on Drudge Report early this afternoon. The pictures, which could well have been taken in Bill Ayers' old neighborhood, show Ostrom dressed like a radical old hippie. "The truth is always worse than it appears when it even obliquely references the Obama Administration," said GOP Chair Michael Steele. "The Nobel Committee may say that the prize is for economics, but in truth they're honoring Elinor Ostrom for her creation of the Darwin Fish."