Friday, November 27, 2009

the man from another place

"I've got good news. That gum you like is going to come back in style."

"Oh, really? The Nicorette Spearmint? That's excellent news, General, the best I've heard all month. Which I guess, all in all, is a pretty sad commentary on my month."

".retteb eb lliw htnom txen ebyaM .riS ,taht raeh ot etah I"

"Don't do that, General. It kind of freaks me out when you start talking backwards..."

"Sorry, Mr. President. It's a old counterinsurgency tactic we've been using in Afghanistan. Freaks out the Taliban as well. But, uh, you wouldn't know anything about that would you?"



"But I'm thinking that it's probably not a very effective tactic. Not too many of those guys know English in the first place, do they?"

"No Sir, they certainly don't. But our thinking is that they know what English sounds like, so when they hear it spoken backwards it has a certain disorienting effect to them."

"Uh huh."

"Let me give you an example. Do you speak Spanish?"

"Enough to get by. But back to the topic at hand..."

"How about Italian? No? Good. .olovat lus e orbil lI Now what I just said was 'the book is on the table' in Italian, but I said it backwards. Sounded pretty weird, didn't it?"

"Yes it did, General. Now if we can just get back to our discussion on the exit strategy. I was talking to Secretary of State Clinton..."

"She's my cousin... but doesn't she look almost like Laura Palmer?"

"Who's Laura Palmer?"

"I don't know."
"Well anyway, as far as I know Hillary is not your cousin. But she is your Secretary of State. And what she..."
"She's filled with secrets."
"She's filled with state secrets. But it should be no secret that..."
"Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song and there's always music in the air."
"I'm sure there is. Now General, what I tell the American people about the exit strategy has got to be definitive or I risk losing support for the mission on the Democratic side of Congress. And as you know, any Republican support I get is going to be used for their own partisan advantage. So it's important that...:"
"Would you like some coffee? Some of your friends are here."
"Huh? Oh, that's just my press secretary. He's waiting for a statement on an unrelated matter. General McChrystal, this is Robert Gibbs."
"Wow, Bob, Wow. Fire walk with me."
"Uh... uh... Wow, General, Wow. Anytime, I guess, just give me a call..."
"Give us a couple more minutes, Bob... Okay, General, time for some straight talk..."
"Let's rock!"
"Let's not. Now listen, General, I know you've been working hard and I know you've been under a lot of stress, so why don't you head home to get some sleep, and we'll try to talk again tomorrow. But the next time I see you..."
"When you see me again, it won't be me."
".lareneG, night dooG"
"Nice try, but you've got a lot to learn about talking backwards, Mr. President."


  1. I'm shocked and appalled to read Robert Gibbs actually walks over to the Oval Office to physically get a statement from the President! No wonder nothing is getting done! No wonder people think they're commies! Don't they have telephones in the White House? That's just backward thinking.

  2. Gibbs? You know he's referred to as 'The Barack Whisperer'.