Friday, November 27, 2009

so close to news

FOX News is just now learning news of a horrible accident involving golf legend Tiger Woods. At 2:25 last night, when most normal people should have been sound asleep, the thirty-three year old PGA star rammed his 2009 Cadillac Escalade into a fire hydrant, after which he rammed it into a tree, and then into God knows what else. His injuries are said to be serious, although at this time, FOX News does not have sufficient information to call them life threatening. While the Florida Highway Patrol has ruled out the use of alcohol in this bizarre story, they have thus far not commented on the possible role that drugs may have played. Stay tuned for updates.

FOX News is now able to say conclusively that the injuries sustained by possibly hopped-up PGA golfing legend Tiger Woods are indeed life threatening, as, according to unconfirmed sources, he has just died. A toxicology exam has not yet been performed, but FOX News will be bringing you important updates as they happen. Stay tuned for our special coverage, which will replace the regularly scheduled O'Reilly Factor, and probably run for most of the weekend.

FOX News has just learned that the world of sports was the subject of a massive hoax earlier today, and that thirty-three year old golf legend Tiger Woods is not only no longer dead, but that he has been released from the hospital with only minor cuts and scratches. Our sources tell us that these 'ouchies' may yet prove to be inconsistent with the type of trauma usually associated with trees and fire hydrants. FOX News has received no official word as to what drugs Woods may or not have been on at the time of the hoax. Stay tuned to FOX News for updates.

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