Sunday, November 29, 2009

Whores cancel King

Michaele and Tareq, perhaps the very brightest jewels in the fabulous Whore family, are feeling rather miffed tonight, and not without a goddamn good reason too."It's absurd what is happening to this couple," said the Whore's spokesperson, the ultra-fabulous Mahogany Jones. "At the moment, the Whores are the most famous couple in America, and yet, they have been unable to score a mid-six-figure deal to tell their story, which is just about the most interesting story you've ever heard this week. Balloon Boy was just a blip on the radar by comparison, but the Whores are the real thing, and let me assure you, the Whores expect to be paid."

"There's not much more to say except than it's a mystery to me," said  truth-in-labeling 'King of Talk Television' Larry King. The Whores have cancelled a Monday night appearance on King's Pulitzer Prize winning show, causing the host to become more befuddled than he has been in weeks. "I would have paid the Whores in a heartbeat if it was up to me, but unfortunately it is not up to me."

"I'll admit that my mouth fell open when I heard the amount that the Whores wanted," continued King, a man not unaccustomed to having his mouth fall open, "But after all, these are the Whores, and you shouldn't expect the Whores to come cheap. I sadly admit that I work for a network which purports to be a 'news outlet', and they refuse to pay for the very thing that they claim as their currency. That's crazy, I'll admit as much, but as long as they keep paying for The King, I'll keep my trap shut about it. Unless, that is, someone wants to pay me for an interview."

"I'm not sorry for myself, I'm sorry for my country," said King, not revealing the sorrow which lurked deep within his heart. "I suppose that without me, America will never get to hear the intriguing true story of the Whores. Well, nobody except for the fortunate few who get the E! Network. And after that, I suppose CNN will report it too, since at that point it will officially be news. But it will be old news, no longer the most interesting story you've heard this week. Ah, well, I've had a long career, so I guess I'll just say 'so much for the Whores'.  And fortunately, at the last moment, I was able to book the greatest American Idol ever, Kelly Clarkson, who will be with us the full hour to discuss why Obama should dump Tim Geithner as Treasury Secretary."

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