Monday, December 14, 2009

Don't vote!

"Wipe that sour look off your puss, Eric, and let's go grab a beer. I just read some really good news, and I think you and I should have a little strategy meeting with our good buddy Joe."

"Lieberman? Not my buddy. Why do you wanna hang around with him, boss? The man's a snob. I don't think he even likes to associate with congressmen."

"Well, he is a creature of the Senate, that's true. And they're all a bit arrogant with their big fancy six year terms, I'll grant you that. But just because a man doesn't have to constantly run for office doesn't make him all bad."

"I hate those guys with their one year on and five years off. That sort of schedule makes them lazy and corrupt."

"Don't forget arrogant. But on the other hand, they tend to think of us as constant panderers."

"Yeah, pandering to our constituents. If pandering is wrong, I don't want to be right."

"You mean you don't wish to be correct, because I'm quite sure that you're proud to be right."


"Anyway, I was reading about this new poll from the Progressive Change Campaign in the Daly Kos, and..."

"You read that claptrap, boss?"

"Opposition research, Eric. The poll says that a third of all Democrats say they're less likely to vote next year if Congress doesn't pass a public option."

"Holy crap! Really? That really is excellent news, seeing that the public option is currently on life support."

"And Senator Joe is going to help us pull the plug."

"Why is he doing it, boss? Why is Joe Lieberman being so good to us? It just doesn't make sense."

"Well now, Eric, I guess you're being blinded by your animosity towards the Senate. You see, Joe is just like us - he's pandering to his constituents. And in his case, his constituents just happen to be the Connecticut insurance industry."

"Wow, a senator who thinks like a congressman."

"Indeed. And did you know that the health insurance industry has rewarded him for it with over $900,000 since 2005?"

"Wow again. That's some heavy-duty pandering."

"Pretty impressive, I've got to admit. Anyway, back to this poll, it got me thinking, if a third of Democrats would be less likely to vote, what would be the net effect if they got no health care bill at all? Fifty percent? Two-thirds?"

"I like the way you're thinking, boss."

"Thank you, Eric. You know, when you get right down to it, liberals are some lazy sons of bitches."

"Yeah, and stupid too. I mean, that's really sharp thinking, if things don't go their way, they fix it by being less involved."

"Ponderous, I know, but it's always been that way. So that's why I want to meet with Joe, to encourage him to hang tough, and tell him we're in his corner."

"You know, the way things are going, this time next year, you could be Speaker of the House. And I'll be..."

"Majority Whip."

"Oh man, everybody hates the Whip."

"Not the Democrats. They just ignore their Whip. But think about it this way, Eric. Everybody hates Joe Lieberman, and he doesn't let it bring him down, no, he just keeps on pandering to his constituents."

"What a guy. I guess I misjudged him. You know, boss, we should make him an honorary congressman."

"He already is, Eric, he already is."

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