Saturday, January 9, 2010

rials for Mahmoud

Claiming that Iran really doesn't have enough problems on it's hands at the moment, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today stunned Russia and England by claiming that they "owe Iran vast numbers of rials," and demanding they pay up promptly, "as the interest is growing daily."

"I have been studying the history of Iran in the twentieth century," explained Ahmadinejad, "and have come across many interesting and shocking things, things that have gone unaddressed until this very day. It seems that in 1941, your countries occupied our sovereign nation of Iran. Certainly I was aware of that fact, but I guess I have always been so distracted by your empowerment of the hated Shah Pahlavi that I've never really focused on it. At any rate, you inflicted lots of damages to the Iranian nation, put your weight on the shoulders of the Iranian people, and became victors in the World War II. And you didn't even share the war profits with Iran. If I say today that we will take full compensation, know that we will stand to the end and will take it. And forget what I said about rials, euros and rubles would both be fine."

"Clear off, Ahmadinejad, that's bloody outrageous," said British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. "We suffered something awful during that war, and we're not going to apologize for borrowing your wretched country for a few years, much less pay you for it. We're not exactly buddies, if you've noticed. You should just be glad that we haven't put any tougher sanctions on you yet than we have - I've half a mind to do so. And here's another clue for you - when you're itching for a payday, try being a bit more specific. With the exchange rate to the euro running 14,000 to 1, I could give you 'vast numbers of rials' out of my pocket change and still not short my breakfast budget. Now, bugger off."

Ahmadinejad also noted that he would soon be turning his attention and his accountants towards World War I, another time when Iran had been occupied by Britain and Russia. "A team has been assigned to calculate all the damages inflicted on Iran," he explained. "This will be an invoice they you must pay to the Iranian nation."

"You know what, comrade," said Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, "You've been a great trading partner over the years, but you're kind of dodgy as a strategic partner, and quite frankly, I'm starting to take a shine to this Obama fellow. Now excuse me while I call up Gordon and discuss those sanctions."

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