Thursday, January 14, 2010

we will serve you if you will get us free from the prince

Howdy, Rush. Come on in and make yourself at home. I kind of figured you might stop by when you heard that Maureen and me were whipping up a batch of my age-defying protein pancakes. You could smell them from outside? I'll bet you could. They're mighty good, and they're good for you too.

The ones I'm making right now are called silver dollar pancakes. I like them because they're bite-sized, and it really is a lot of fun to sit down in front of a plate with twenty pancakes on it. Don't look so worried, Rush, Maureen and I have already eaten. These are for you. Although I'm not saying that I won't get the yen to make myself another batch.

You know, America loves pancakes. They're comfort food, and Lord knows, I can use a little comfort about now. It's not every day you get called stupid by the White House. That's absolutely humiliating, even if the president is a godless hooligan. Maybe I shouldn't say that, but don't you just hate it when people take your words out of context? I know you do. And it's not like I really hate Haiti. Do you? Oh. Why? Oh, really? My goodness, that must have been terribly painful. I've never had anything bad happen to my penis. Oh. Calm down, Rush, your pancakes are just about ready, and I'm getting empathy pains just listening to you talking about your suffering.

It's not good to hate, Rush, but I understand your reasons. Just try and keep it in your mind that it was one lone homeless boy that probably wanted enough money for something to eat, and you were a young man at the time. Oh... Well, a middle-aged man... Huh. Hope you don't mind using a plastic fork.

Here you go, twenty perfect little pancakes. They're good, and they're packed with protein. Syrup? No, I don't believe in the stuff. It clogs up your arteries, and... Well, I know, we're all going to die, but no reason to hasten it on. Why don't you just soak them in bourbon like I do?

6 comments:

  1. No abusing the sausage patties in front of the ladies, Rush!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Patty-cakes


    Yo WTF's the sistuh doin', representin' wit' dat baptist cracker mutha-f-er?? Putt a cap in da byatch, sheet.

    Word.

    ReplyDelete
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